


The Stars in Your Eyes

by giraffecrack



Series: To the Moon and Back [2]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pregnancy, Prison, Wedding Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:35:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 30,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24062209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/giraffecrack/pseuds/giraffecrack
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Reader, Spencer Reid/You
Series: To the Moon and Back [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1707052
Comments: 17
Kudos: 80





	1. I've been thinking of our future 'cause I'll never see those days

_5/1/2013_

3 months and 15 days after Maeve was killed. Reid still had dreams about her. He wouldn’t talk about them with you, but he would wake in terror and be calling for her. 

With the case in South Dakota, Reid finally opened up to Rossi that he wasn’t sleeping well. Rossi told him to give in to his dreams and play out his ‘fantasies’. 

That night Reid told you about his dreams and you told him it was ok that he still thought of her. He felt bad that he couldn’t get over her and that he was engaged to you. There wasn’t much you could do to help him, but you did what you could. 

He told you that he had a recurring dream where Maeve would ask him to dance and he would always say no, that night he danced with her. The dreams stopped after that and you two resumed your normal life.

_5/25/2013_

The Replicator, as he had been named, was terrorizing the entire team. When the team finally got to wind of his deeds, he was already plotting his plans to murder Strauss and Blake. After the case in New York, the team decided to stay the night and get some rest before the flight back home. 

Strauss was missing and it was the team’s job to find her. Hotch stayed with her while she died and Rossi stayed with her at the medical examiner. There were few clues but the team eventually got to the conclusion that the replicator’s real name was John Curtis, an FBI agent. 

After the helicopter crash, almost being blown up, and having numerous surveillance photos taken of you, some of which were more risque (Morgan never let you live that down), Reid saw just how close someone could come to hurting you. 

He begged for you to take a break and let him protect you but you refused and continued on with your work. He would barely leave your side during cases and made you promise before every case that you both would make it out alive. 

_1/24/2014_

With the arrival of the new section chief, everyone’s behavior shifted, JJ’s more than most. Will came in on the 23rd saying that JJ hadn’t come home and that she was missing. The team quickly did what they did best and started to look for her. You, Reid, and Garcia broke in the Secure Compartmentalized Information Facility to dig up whatever information you could on JJ’s state department mission.

Everyone brought their heads together and figured out that the best way to get JJ and Cruz, who was also found to be missing, back was to call Emily. She gave valuable information about JJ’s deployment that led the team to find out who the mole was. 

When the team got to the server facility they were holding JJ in, you, Emily, and Hotch ran to find the entrance to the basement. The three of you moved down the stairs and to a single room. A man was standing next to a blonde and holding a knife to her throat. Hotch fired two shots into his back. He was dead on the spot. 

JJ was beaten up. Her hair looked wet and her shirt was partially unbuttoned. Cruz was laying on the ground in a pool of blood. You were quick to run over to JJ, but she pushed you away and begged you to help Cruz.

Emily helped her down and then came to help you and Hotch. By the time you helped him up, JJ was gone. Cruz helped direct Emily to the roof, and she was quick to follow. 

You and Hotch helped to carry Cruz back up. When you returned to the surface, the team was still engaged in a firefight with the goons. Hotch carried Cruz and you covered him. Reid, Blake, and Morgan knocked out the last gunman and joined you in the main lobby.

JJ and Emily joined you all moments after a body had fallen from the sky. JJ gave her greetings to her teammates and Reid was overjoyed to see her ok.

The next night JJ was discharged from the hospital and Rossi invited everyone out for drinks. During the outing, Reid never let you out of his sight. That night he asked you, “Promise me, promise me that whatever happens to us, we pull through. No matter what happens neither of us can die.” He held out his pinkie and you gave him the only acceptable answer, “I promise.”

_3/14/2014_

Reid had almost been killed by a man with rabies the day prior, but now it was time for you and Morgan to have your fun. 

Morgan told you he got Garcia’s and Reid’s physical tests waived, but he had a prank he wanted to pull. Three days ago he forged an email saying they had to take the physical endurance tests. They had been spotted at the track on the 12th getting ready to take their test before they were called away for a case.

Morgan and you strolled up to the track in disguises and surprised them. They were not happy, to say the least. 

Morgan and you were yelling words of encouragement their way and helping them train. When they were all tuckered out, Morgan told them the truth, that Morgan had their tests waived. They weren’t happy with your deceit. They tried to run after you two, but they were too tired and you were too fast. 

When you drove Reid home that night, he gave you the silent treatment. You tried to joke with him about it, but he was not having it. He eventually broke and started laughing when you had to help him up to the apartment because his muscles were so sore. 

_5/8/2014_

The team was called to a case in Texas to investigate prostitutes killed with carvings in back. The team looked at all the evidence and the new body that showed up and put an APB out for Justin Mills.

Within hours Mills’s car was spotted outside of El Lobito’s diner. The team rushed over there with numerous cops. Mills was inside freaking out and the cops were outside preparing to take him down when a shot was fired.

The bullet hit the sheriff and the shootout began. Blake tried to go and help the sheriff who was bleeding on the ground. You heard Morgan scream Reid’s name and terror flooded your body. You ducked down behind the car door you were firing from and turned around to see Reid bleeding on the ground and Morgan trying to drag him behind the car. No matter how much you loved him you still had a job to do. 

The police officers rushed the building and JJ and Morgan followed him. You went around to the back of the police car to find Blake talking to Reid and calling for help with her hand over his neck. The blood was flowing faster than she could stop it. Morgan and JJ caught up to Mills and shot him. 

The ambulances arrived right as Morgan and JJ returned from the abandoned building MIlls retreated too. The paramedics got Reid on a gurney, Morgan hopped in the back with him to get stitches. The deputy came over to give you and Blake information on how to get to the hospital.

When you arrived Reid was wheeled into surgery, and Morgan was treated for his wounds. Blake paced through the waiting room and you stayed in a seat tapping your foot. Eventually, the silence got to you. You stood up and walked out of the hospital and to a nearby bench. Rossi found you sitting by yourself and came to sit with you.

*

“Did you know that he wants to have kids, can you imagine that?” you put your head on his shoulder. “Spence as a dad.”

“That child would be so lucky,” he moved his head to look at the stars, “they would have the best parents in the world.”

*

You and Rossi sat in silence for another hour before JJ came to tell you that her, Morgan, Hotch, and Prentiss were heading back to the station. Rossi got up to join them. You told JJ you would call her when Reid woke up. 

You made your way back inside to find Blake and Garcia with a surgeon. 

*

“What’s going on?” you rushed into the waiting room.

Garcia gave you a quick hug, “Doc, this is Y/N, Reid’s fiance.”

“Agent,” he extended his hand and you shook it, “Dr. Reid is going to be fine, he’s actually very lucky. Couple centimeters to the left and it would have hit his carotid.”

*

You sighed with relief and went to the room number the doctor provided. Reid was laying in the bed with bandages on his neck. He looked so peaceful. Garcia started to lay out some of his favorite Doctor Who figurines. 

Eventually, he woke up and you gave him a big kiss. Blake had gone back to the team but you stayed for a little longer. He eventually told you to go back and join the team. You reluctantly obliged and headed for the station. Your breathing was erratic when you walked in. Hotch noticed this and forced you to stay at the station to look through old files for anything they missed. 

It wasn’t until later that you were told about the corrupt deputies. It wasn’t after they tried to kill Reid a second time that Hotch told you about the danger you were in at the station. 

Before sunrise, the town was wiped of their corrupt deputies and everyone could rest easy. The team stayed in Texas for an extra day to give Reid more time to rest.

On the flight home that night, Reid was asleep on the couch with his head in your lap and you petting his hair. 

_1/27/2015_

6 months until your wedding. You got a call from Hotch in the middle of the night that you needed to go to a cabin in the woods. Hotch told you to not tell Reid.

When you got to the cabin the team was standing around a body on the floor with three bullet wounds. It was Jason Gideon. 

Hotch called Reid an hour later with the news. He drove his beat-up VW bug to the cabin. When he walked in he looked bad. His hair was disheveled and he had been crying. 

During the entire case, the team tried their best to comfort Reid. He had been through so much during his life. 

Just like with Maeve he stopped being able to sleep. He would wake up at obscene hours of the night and leave your bedroom. You would follow him out to see him playing chess by himself. 

*

“What’re you doing?” you asked, groggily.

“I’m trying to finish his last game,” his eyes never left the board.

“Gideon’s?” you sat down on the floor across from him. He responded solely with a nod.

*

The two of you played through his game, and eventually, Reid fell asleep on the couch. You covered him with a blanket and returned to your bed. 

Your entire wedding was planned. All you had to do was keep Reid alive for six months.


	2. I'm trying to make up my mind  just how I feel. Could you tell me what's real?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading

_ 6/13/2015 _

The day of the wedding. You had spent the entire day getting ready and worrying. JJ made sure that everything was going off without a hitch while you got dolled up. 

Your makeup was natural, your hair was a curly half-up-half-down and jewels for decoration, and your dress was a floral and lace spaghetti strap gown. This was the wedding of your dreams. Reid had let you take creative control because he knew he’d love whatever you did.

By the time 5 o’clock rolled around, JJ, Prentiss, and Garcia were all dressed in their blush bridesmaid dresses. JJ said that everything was ready downstairs and that the ceremony can begin. 

The four of you made your way down to the courtyard, “everything’s going to be fine,” JJ gave you a hug before making her way down the aisle. Reid was at the altar with your bridesmaids and Spencer’s groomsmen. 

“Are you ready?” Rossi said from behind you.

You took a deep breath, “I think so.” You found Henry who was holding his little basket of flower petals and Jack who had both the rings, “you guys are gonna kill it,” you knelt down and gave them both a high five before sending them down the aisle. 

Within a minute it was time for you to walk to your soon to be husband. You decided you wanted the pianist to play Canon in D major over the traditional Here comes the bride. 

The music started and you locked arms with Rossi. The two of you emerged from the bush you were hiding behind and started down the aisle. Your friends and family were standing and looking at you in awe but the only person you focused on was Reid. You felt the tears starting in your eyes and tried to hold them back. Reid was looking at you the same way he looked at you on your first date. The love you felt from just his gaze was enough to know everything was fine. 

You reached the altar and stopped to give Rossi a hug and a kiss on the cheek, “you look perfect,” he whispered into your ear. Reid had come down to meet you and bring you to the officiant. When you reached the officiant you turned and gave JJ your bouquet. 

“We are gathered here on this beautiful day to witness the union of Y/N and Spencer in holy matrimony,” the minister started. It sucked that you had to face the minister and you couldn’t look at Reid. “This is a day of great celebration, for married life - a shared life - is a great blessing. As Y/N and Spencer embark on this journey together they will be able to nurture a love that makes them better versions of themselves. Marriage is a garden we sow with love and harvest in personal growth. Y/N and Spencer, on your journey together, keep your spouse in the space of the highest priority in your heart. The love that you share must be guarded and cherished forever, for it is your most valuable treasure. Always remember these words; Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. You have chosen to write your vows, and it is with these words you express your binding promises to love, honor, and cherish one another. If you are ready to make these promises to each other I invite you now to face each other and declare your intentions. Y/N when you’re ready you may begin,” he gestured to you. 

The two of you turned to face each other and JJ handed you a small sheet of paper. You opened it up and started to laugh a little bit, “Spencer, you are a million dreams and a million prayers of a little girl come true. You are kind. You are intelligent. You are resilient. Your laugh is contagious and you can put away an entire Baskin robbins ice cream like nobody else. You acknowledge my strength and accept my faults. You make me want to be a better person every day. I take you as you are today, tomorrow, and for eternity to come to be my husband. Even when the day comes that we’re old and gray, I promise to always see you with the same eyes and the same heart that I see you within this exact moment. I promise to dream with you, celebrate with you, and walk beside you through whatever life brings. I vow to laugh with you and to comfort you during times of joy and sorrow. I promise to always pursue you, fight for you, and to love you unconditionally and wholeheartedly for the rest of my life. You are my best friend and I’m the luckiest girl in the world that I can call you mine. I love you,” you were in tears by the time you finished, everyone else was too so it seemed. 

“Absolutely beautiful,” the minister nodded. “Spencer when you’re ready you may begin.”

“As you may notice I’m standing on the right. This tradition dates back to medieval times where the groom would stand on the right in case he needed to draw his sword and protect his bride. I may not be a knight in shining armor, but I stand here today ready to protect you from whatever life throws our way. I promise to always protect you from the evil in the world and to keep you safe. I promise to take you as you are and to love you every day. You are the best thing to happen to me in a while and I hope I never lose you. Thank you for everything you have done for me and thank you for being so patient. I love you,” you were both crying at this point, but the prospect of marrying your dream man was enough to keep you together.

“Thank you for sharing your vows with all of us. The rings you are about to place on each other's fingers are symbols of the love you expressed. They will remind you of the vows you have just spoken, and of the eternal love that you have for one another. Spencer, place the ring on Y/N's finger and repeat after me. As this ring encircles your finger,” the minister started.

Reid grabbed the ring from Morgan and your hand, “As this ring encircles your finger.”

“From this moment forward,” the minister continued.

“From this moment forward,” Spencer’s hands were shaking.

“So will my love forever encircle you.”

“So will my love forever encircle you,” you could see more tears in Spence’s eyes.

“You will never walk alone.”

“You will never walk alone.”

“My heart will be your shelter.”

“My heart will be your shelter.”

“My arms will be your home.”

“My arms will be your home.”

“We will walk through life as partners & best friends.”

“We will walk through life as partners & best friends,” Spence’s gaze made your soul ache.

“I promise to do my best to love, cherish, and accept you.”

“I promise to do my best to love, cherish, and accept you.”

“Just the way you are.”

“Just the way you are.”

“I give you my heart until the end of time.”

“I give you my heart until the end of time.”

“I have no greater gift to give.”

“I have no greater gift to give,” his voice broke with the last few words as he slid the ring on your finger.

“Now, Y/N, place the ring on Spencer's finger and repeat after me.”

You turned around to grab the ring from JJ and placed it on his finger. The minister started your turn. You stared into Reid’s eyes and repeated the beautiful words to him. Time seemed to be going a million miles an hour and stopped in place at the same time. It felt like your entire life was flashing before your eyes and like it was only you and Spencer in this moment. 

“By the power given to me by the American Marriage Ministries and by the State of Virginia,” the minister's voice broke you out of your trance, “I now pronounce you Husband and Wife. You may kiss the bride.”

You and Reid pulled each other into your most passionate kiss yet. The earth melted away as you kissed the love of your life and you felt as safe as the day he first held you in his arms. You felt indestructible. As long as you two were together there was nothing that could hurt you. 

The whoops and cheers from your friends and family came back to your mind as the kiss was broken. The smile on your face could never be wiped away. Reid pulled you into a hug and picked you up off the ground. His smile matched yours in terms of pure joy. 

“Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my honor to present for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Spencer Reid!”

The two of you joined hands and made your way back up the aisle and to the small courtyard before the entrance to the reception hall. The rest of the guests made their way into the reception hall. 

Your photographer asked you to join your wedding party at the altar again for pictures. You took photos with your family, Reid’s family, and your team rather quickly. You could sense that Spence was just as excited to start partying as you were.

The group photos were finished with haste and then it was time for you and Spencer to take photos with just the two of you. The photographer made sure to go quickly and take some truly beautiful pictures. 

“Thank you,” you shook the photographer’s hand as you made your way to the banquet hall. When you walked in you saw JJ waving you over, “I'll be right back,” you gave your husband a kiss on the cheek and quickly made your way over to her.

“You ready to change?” JJ asked as you finally got to her.

You nodded, “yeah.” The two of you quickly made your way up the stairs and to your bridal suite. She helped you out of your gown and into a similar, but shorter, white dress. You made your way back downstairs to find Reid.

The rest of the special night went off without a hitch. Morgan and JJ gave beautiful speeches followed by Rossi with a special message. When it came time for the first dance, you and Reid were both overflowing with joy. During the dance, Reid whispered a poem into your ear. You recognized it as Istanbul #2461, widely considered the world’s oldest love poem.

It seemed everyone around you was having a blast. They were all dancing and letting loose. In your line of work, it was hard to find moments where you could just be happy and not have to worry about being blown up, poisoned, or shot. Prentiss, JJ, and Garcia made you dance with them, it had been a long time since they could all be together without one of them needing help.

As the night came to a close the dancing became rarer. When everyone left, Reid called a cab to take you back to the apartment. He was being a stickler about tradition so he insisted to carry you over the threshold. 

“If you’re sticking to tradition so closely,” you sighed as he set you down, “then you know what happens now.” you reached for his tie. He reached around and started to unzip your dress while simultaneously pushing you into the bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> QUESTION: in the coming chapters do you want to be introduced as Dr. Y/N Y/L/N or Dr. Y/N Reid???


	3. Sometimes I find myself thinking of you, then I feel stupid, but what can I do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to write.

_ 9/30/2015 _

A string of murders across the country led Hotch to tell Rossi and Morgan to fly out to Seattle to investigate. The victims had peculiar face paint when they were found. 

Reid was at his desk reading books insanely fast when you both noticed Hotch and Garcia enter the bullpen. He gave you a look telling you to follow him. You both stood from your desks and made your way to the conference room. 

“Is it the same unsub?” you asked as you and Reid rushed in.

Rossi was looking over some files when you entered, “yeah.”

“Two murders on two coasts in two days,” Morgan flipped the pages in front of him. “This guy is on a mission and he’s not going to rest until he completes it.

Hotch entered on the tail-end of Morgan’s thought, “neither will we.”

“But we’re still down two profilers,” Garcia looked around the room with a sour look on her face. JJ was on maternity leave and Kate quit.

“Our six brains against his one,” Rossi pulled out a chair and sat down.

“Everyone take a few minutes to review the case and we'll meet back in 20 minutes,” Hotch grabbed one of the files from the table and left. The rest of you followed in his footsteps, grabbing files and leaving the room. 

Reid went to sit at his desk and you sat on the floor next to it. For some reason, you always worked better on the floor than at a desk. The twenty minutes flew by and you all returned to the conference room. 

“We know for a fact that victim number one was bound and gagged,” Morgan read a page of the file, “but it doesn’t look like number two was.”

“Windows in both residences were tampered with,” Reid noted.

“So he knows how to get in and out undetected,” you finished his thought for him.

Garcia piped up, “ok, so that’s impressive because aluminum foil is super crinkly.” The team looked at each other with different looks of confusion. “I’m sorry, I’m not a profiler, I’m trying my best.”

“No, it’s a fair point,” Rossi leaned forward in his chair. “He snuck up on a tweaker who probably hadn't slept in a couple of days.”

“M.O. said this guy is good at hunting,” you leaned back in your chair.

Hotch flipped through the pages with a confused look on his face, “Cause of death?”

“Cardiac arrest, but Dr. Mertz in the crime lab can’t pin down how,” Morgan sighed and rested his face in his hands.

“He might hide it under the face paint,” you held your hand out to Reid under the table. “What we’re assuming is a ritual might be a forensic countermeasure,” Reid interlocked his fingers with yours.

“What do we know about the face paint?” Rossi asked.

“Traditional greasepaint used by clowns,” Reid like to talk with his hands so he had to let go of yours, “but, applied to resemble a Pulcinella.”

Garcia pulled her phone out, “ok, I totally know what that is, but I’m going to google it in case someone doesn’t.”

“Sorry,” Reid leaned forward. “The clown archetype that we recognize today actually dates back to a 16th-century stage tradition called commedia dell’arte, where actors wore masks to resemble their characters. The Pulcinella was a trickster character, usually without a voice. He used a horn to make funny noises.”

“Maybe the victims tricked him, and he’s remaking them in death how e saw them in life,” Rossi added.

“So this is a vendetta by the unsub and not a compulsion,” Hotch’s phone started to ring as he finished his sentence.

“It’s gonna make this guy really hard to profile,” you sighed.

Hotch picked up his phone, “Alright, Dave, keep working on victimology. Morgan, stay on the M.O. Reid and Y/N, dig deeper into the ritual. I’ll be right back.” He stood from the table and left the room. You figured he had to talk to some of the applicants to replace Kate.

The group of you left the room. Morgan headed to the crime lab. You grabbed a map from down the hall for Reid to work on. When you wheeled it back into t bullpen Rossi and Reid were already hard at work. 

“Thank you,” Reid gave you a quick kiss on the cheek before grabbing a marker.   
Rossi stood up and opened the file in his hand, “well this doesn’t clear up much. Vic number one was a divorced dad who got custody of his kids.”

“And two was the local drug supplier,” Reid paced in front of the whiteboard.

“What connects these guys?” You sat on Reid’s desk.

Rossi sighed, “nothing.”

“And we would never have made the connection if it weren’t for the face paint,” Reid looked incredibly confused. “Which begs the question, why do it at all?”

“To taunt us, feel superior,” you added.

“It’s obviously a message,” Spence started to rummage around his desk. “My assumption is has something to do with the mouth.” He picked up the book that was next to you and flipped to a seemingly random page. “Look at this,” he showed Rossi a picture from the book, “the colors of the Pulcinella are oddly inverted. Traditionally the character has a black face and a white jaw, he’s painting it the other way around.”

“You said that this character was the precursor to today’s clown because he couldn’t speak, right?” you hopped off the desk and stood next to him. 

“Yeah that’s right,” he glanced at you.

“So he was also the first mime, too,” you pointed at a few of the pictures of the board.

Reid turned to look at you, “very much so, which means he himself might have an injury to the jaw.”

Morgan came into the room and joined the three of you, “our unsub can’t eat solid food.”

“How do you know?” you turned to him with a look of confusion.

“Dr. Mertz found a nutritional supplement in the stomachs of the victims,” he pointed to the board, “what have you guys figured out?”

“Y/N, can you get Hotch and Garcia, I think I know what’s happening,” Reid grabbed a few papers and books from his desk and went to the conference room. 

You did as he asked and got Hotch and Garcia to go to the conference room. When they got there Reid was standing at the front of the room while Morgan and Rossi were sitting. 

“What is it, Reid?” Hotch sat down in the chair next to Reid.

“The unsub has a feeding port in his stomach,” he said such a gross sentence very nonchalantly.

“He has a feeding port in his stomach?” Garcia looked disgusted.

“The nutritional supplement that Dr. Mertz found in both victims would be ideal for someone who couldn’t eat normally,” he was very cute when he talked with his hands. “So if the unsub sustained an injury to the jaw, it would also suggest that he is unable to speak.”

“Hence the Pulcinella mask,” Rossi leaned back in his chair. “It’s his way of communicating.”

Garcia was listening very intently, “what is he trying to say?”

“Well let’s work our way back to that based on what we know,” Morgan picked up the file in front of him. “We know this guy travels thousands of miles in two days. So he probably doesn’t sleep. He’s able to sneak into a suburban house or a drug den undetected. He overwhelms his victims silently and then injects them, and then as they lay there dying over the course of an hour, he simply sits over them and leaves them a highly symbolic message, but it’s a precise message. His victims are seizing up right in front of him, but this guy does not miss a brushstroke. This is a man who’s been around death before. It doesn’t faze him. Who else would leave this type of message?”

“Drug cartels,” Reid’s face lit up. “Cutting the tongues out of snitches and the hands off of thieves.”

“The mafia,” Rossi leaned back, “sleeping with the fishes and all that.”

“Oh my god,” you picked up your file, “he’s a hitman,” the team shot you confused looks. “Think about it only a contract killer could be this good.”

Morgan nodded, “his message isn’t for us, it’s for his customers.” With this final revelation, everyone sighed.

There was a knock at the door behind you. You turned around to see Anderson standing with a file in his hand, “Sir, they discovered a new body.”

“Thank you, Anderson,” Hotch followed Anderson out of the room. 

You leaned back in your chair, “do you guys want to go get lunch?” Everyone agreed except for Garcia who had to help dig up for information on the newest victim. 

Once Garcia left you all quickly decided on a restaurant and piled into your car. You got to the restaurant and enjoyed an incredibly normal meal for your insane life. Rossi paid and you all made your way back to the BAU. As you pulled in Rossi got a call from Hotch saying that we are ready to give the profile. The four of you made your way upstairs and to the bullpen. Hotch got you caught up on the new information. The group of prospective agents was called in and you all prepared to deliver the profile.

“The unsub that we're looking for is a contract killer who is doubling back to kill his former customers,” Morgan started. “This man is highly skilled and well-trained. Under no circumstances should he be engaged without back-up.”

“So is this a case of organized crime tying up loose ends?” one of the agents asked.

“Organized crime's got nothing to do with this, at least not in the traditional sense,” Rossi warned

You could see the gears turning in Reid’s head, “in 2013, the Bureau took down the Silk Road network. Our initial assumption was that it was an encrypted online market for illegal drugs, which it was, but upon further inspection, we were stunned at the breadth of goods and services being traded online. Weapons, child porn, even hitmen.”

“And the payment scheme was escrow based, in which the buyer would put down half as a deposit and the other half when the seller delivered,” you clarified. “We've now confirmed that all 3 victims hired the unsub over the past year through a similar escrow system.”

“So why is he killing his old clients?” the same recruit asked.

“Hitmen

don't leave a message unless you pay them to,” Rossi always had an answer. “The exception is to leave a warning for customers or competitors.”

“This unsub suffered some sort of injury to his jaw or voice, most likely as a result of something these customers did,” Reid said. “The Pulcinella mask is his statement on revenge and justice-- betray the oath between customer and contractor and you pay the price.”

“Now, normally a man with this kind of defect would attract attention,” Morgan started. “The fact that he hasn't indicates that he has deep pockets and a network of resources at his disposal.”

“Share this profile with your local divisions and with law enforcement. Search for escrow payments to match the unsub to his clients. One of those clients will be his next target. Thank you,” Hotch finished. With that, all of the starry-eyed recruits fled from the bullpen.

Morgan and Garcia fled the room as well, leaving you and Reid to fend for your selves. The two of you sat at your desks for an hour without saying a word. You eventually got up from your desk and went to sit by him. You sat on the floor and rested your head on his lap. He used one hand to flip through the pages of his book and the other to pet your hair. You felt your eyes starting to close when Morgan and Garcia frantically ran into the room. 

“We found the next victim,” Morgan held up a piece of paper. Hotch and Rossi came down from their offices, you and Reid both stood up and went to meet them. 

“Name and location?” Hotch said as the five of you rushed to the elevator.

Garcia waved her phone at you, “already sent.”

The doors of the elevator closed on a smiling Garcia. You all quickly jumped into your SUV’s and drove to the beat-up garage in Baltimore. Hotch told you that there wasn’t going to be much time to get ready hen you got there, so you had to get your vests on now. Reid and Morgan put theirs on while you kept your eyes on the road. When they were done, Reid helped you squeeze into yours while keeping at least one hand on the wheel. 

You pulled into a parking lot with ten cop cars and two SWAT units. Morgan quickly sought out the SWAT team captain to coordinate your entry “how do you want to do this captain?” You all shook the captain’s hand.

“We’ll breach and clear,” he pointed to the building behind him. “When it’s locked down, the site is yours. Sound good?”

You all nodded in agreement. The captain started to walk back toward his team and you all followed, drawing your weapons. The SWAT team threw the doors to the garage open and worked there way inside, “Police!” one of them yelled.

“Don’t shoot, do not shoot,” a voice called out from behind a car.

The captain found the car and raised his weapon, “come out with your hands up!”

“That’s gonna be real hard, real hard,” the voice yelled. “Look!”

You were the first to go around the car to see what was happening, “Morgan, get everyone out of here,” you holstered your gun and looked back at Morgan with a worried look on your face.

“What is it?” Reid furrowed his brow and moved closer to you. “Grenade!” he shouted when he finally saw what you were staring at.

The SWAT team started to yell at him to drop it but he yelled that he couldn’t. 

“Put your weapons down!” Reid lowered his gun and approached him, “you mean that literally, you literally can’t drop it.”

“Yeah,” his temper was short.

“What’d he use? What’d he use?” Morgan repeated with more ferocity each time.

The man nodded his head toward the cart next to him, “over there.”

“It’s dried and set,” Reid was holding the man’s hands in his own, “he glued over the pin-hole.”

“Do you have any acetone?” you knelt down at his side to examine it yourself.

“That won’t work, that won’t work,” the victim kept repeating this to Reid over and over.

Morgan picked up the bottle the man gestured to, “Y/N, he’s right. It’s an industrial acrylic. It holds car parts together.” The SWAT team was leaving to set up a perimeter but you four were going to stay.

“Look, you gotta do something, ok?” the man kept pushing his hands closer to you.

You tried your best to stay as calm as possible, “we’re going to do everything we can.” Reid was frantically looking around for a solution.

“My hand is cramping, just do something, all right?” the man yelled at you this time.

“Y/N, four cars,” Reid was still looking around the room. 

“Each car has a battery, right?” you stood up and looked at him. “Each battery has an electrolyte solution of 62% water, 38% sulfuric acid.”

“Y/N, that won’t work,” Morgan sighed.

“Why not?” Rossi was definitely confused at this point.

“Because the acrylic will still stay bonded to the metal,” Morgan grabbed the man’s hands to help keep them still.

“Absolutely true, but it will also create a saponification effect on his flesh,” Reid explained. “The grenade will literally slide out of his hand like a wet bar of soap.”

“Of course, there will be an intense burning sensation on the skin, and the smell will be horrendous,” you pointed out.

“You can't--you're not burning my hands! You're not gonna do it!” he shouted \\.

Stay still!” Morgan shouted back

“Hey, listen, pal. We have two geniuses working to save you so just shut up,” Rossi said sternly.

Reid ran to find a turkey baster and quickly got some of the solution from the batteries. You, Morgan, and Rossi all put on gloves to protect your hands.

“Sit down,” Morgan snapped at the man.

“This is gonna hurt, but you'll survive. Is everybody ready?” Reid came to meet you with the solution. 

“Yeah,” you were the one tasked with grabbing the grenade as it slid out of his hands. “Just watch your aim. All right, my hand's on the lever.” Reid started to dispense the solution on his hands. It was difficult to listen to the man screaming, but you knew it was for the best. After a while, the man’s hands detached from the grenade and it slid right into your hands, “I’ve got it,” you shouted. 

Morgan wrapped his hands in a towel and tried to soak up the acid, “Are we safe Rossi?” 

Rossi examined the miniature bomb in your hands, “yeah the lever’s st-” he paused, then you heard it. The click that it was armed. “Run!” Rossi shouted.

Your instincts took over, you threw the grenade as far as you could and high tailed it out of there. Right as you ran through the door you heard the explosion. The five of you ducked behind a police car and covered your heads. 

“You guys ok? Anyone hurt?” Reid asked as everything settled down. “You ok?” he asked while wrapping you in a hug. 

“I’m fine,” your breathing was heavy but that you were fine.

Rossi grabbed the man you just saved from being blown up and shoved him in the back of a police car. The rest of you hopped into your SUV and headed back to Quantico. Morgan grabbed the ‘victim’ and dragged him to an interrogation room.

Before you went to your desk, you took a trip to the bathroom to clean yourself up a bit. You were splashing some of the cold water onto your skin when you saw Reid walk in.

“Are you okay?” he had worry in his eyes and on his face.

You turned around and leaned against the sink, “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not,” he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into a tight hug.

“I’m not,” you sobbed into his shoulder. “I don’t want to live without you.”

“You’ll never have to,” he placed a soft kiss on the top of your head. The two of you stayed like that for well over an hour. Morgan texted you to come to the bullpen right away. You cleaned up your tears, grabbed Reid’s hand, and made your exit. 

“Ok, so, a week ago, this guy stumbles into the Atlantic City E.R., having been shot in the jaw,” Garcia started as you walked into the bullpen. “Can't give them his name 'cause of the whole shot in the mouth thing. But his fingerprints lit up the Rome police database like a Christmas tree.” “Italian,” Rossi interjected. “That explains the pulcinella influence.” 

“Yeah. They were able to get a name-- Giuseppe Montolo, but by the time Jersey P.D. got there, Montolo had been patched up and made his escape,” Garcia finished. 

“And now he's on some type of payback gig,” Morgan started. “He has no idea who double-crossed him, so now he's killing every customer that he suspects might have done it.”

“I tried to use Al's username and password to flush out other clients, but they don’t call it the Darknet for nothing,” Garcia seemed distraught that she couldn’t anything.

“Then we let it go,” you chimed. “We're not going to catch him that way.”

“What other way is there?” Garcia asked.

“Montolo changed his M.O. drastically with the last victim,” Hotch pointed out. “He went from up close and personal to collateral damage. Al blows himself up or we kill him. Either way, it's a win-win.”

“If he made that dramatic a shift, it was a mistake,” Reid noted. “That's how we catch him.”

“All right, then let's do this old school,” Rossi stood from his seat. “Morgan, you took Al’s confession. Walk us through it like you're the unsub.”

“I got my victim on the ground, and I have the syringe in my hand,” Morgan started to walk around the room. “I have total control over him. This is my moment. I'm gonna make him pay for what he did. But Al said he got a text. I don't like what I see. Now I have to change my plan. What was on that text?”

“Someone tipped him off,” you shook your head. “He wouldn't deviate that much otherwise.”

“But that would mean that,” Garcia paused. 

Hotch nodded, “we have a mole.”

“There's a lot of new faces around here want to join the BAU,” Rossi looked around the room at the people hanging around.

“I don't think it's a federal agent,” Reid narrowed his eyebrows. “I think it's someone in local law enforcement.”

“Based on what?” you turned to face him.

“The clock,” Reid pointed to a clock hanging on the wall across from him. “According to Al, the unsub left 5 minutes before we showed up. That's a narrow window. Too narrow for him to wait around for an embolism, but he had to figure out a way to deal with his last victim. Montolo changed his M.O. at the last moment because he learned about us at the last moment.”

“So the last on to hear the cavalry was coming is the Judas,” Rossi nodded. “That means a local cop.”

“Or SWAT. You said Wilson pulled his men off the scene?” Hotch asked. 

“He said he wanted to box the unsub in,” Rossi reminded. “But maybe he really wanted to ensure he got out.”

“We profiled that the unsub would have support and resources,” you pointed out. “An ally in SWAT would give him both.”

Morgan sighed, “we go after a captain, we need more than a profile, we need proof.”

“The security perimeter they set up, they would have recorded every license plate-- Garcia,” Hotch turned to the perky blonde. 

She rushed over to the laptop she had set-up, “yes, sir. Ok. Cross-referencing last name Wilson. Uh, ok. I got a Ford Taurus. It is registered to Betty Wilson, wife of Captain Phil Wilson.”

“Quite a plan these 3 have,” you scoffed. “He waved his own wife through the checkpoint. And she secured the hit man's escape.”

“Montolo has them both working under duress,” Morgan shook his head. “Wilson has to be a customer.”

“Which means he's also a target,” Hotch sighed. “Dave, you get to the wife’s house.”

Rossi quickly got up and headed for the elevator. Within 20 minutes he called saying that Montolo had taken Phil. Hotch sent Reid and Morgan to drive around until we can get them an address. Garcia ran to grab some equipment that Hotch needed to call Phil. 

“You ready?” Hotch asked Garcia, who was setting up the phone call.

She connected aa wire and started to type on her computer, “Almost. Setting up caller I.D. Spoofing and... Dialing.”

Hotch turned to you and handed you the phone, “ok, all you have to say is, ‘It's me. Can you talk?’ And I'll take it from there.”

You held the phone to your ear and tried to change your voice a little, “It’s me, can you talk.”

“Yeah,” you could hear the shakiness in his voice.

You handed the phone to Hotch, “not on speaker,” you whispered.

“Captain, this is Aaron Hotchner with the FBI. We're going to get you out of this. Just drive normally and follow my prompts. Can you talk? Yes, it's fine, or not right now. Did you enter the address in the map apps on your phone? We're getting the address from your phone, sir. My team is going to beat you there. You're gonna drive him straight to us. Sir, you are the last errand. He's going to kill you.” Hotch shortly set the phone down. You all waited around and held your breath waiting for a call from Morgan. Rossi had called Hotch and left his phone on so we could hear his conversation with the wife. 

“3 years ago, I had two miscarriages, back to back, just like that,” you could hear a crying woman. My O.B. prescribed painkillers, and after a while... My...dealer wanted me to do things. He wouldn't leave me alone. That's when I read about Silk Road. I could buy the drugs anonymously, and... And more than that. I kept it all a secret until he showed up at our door. Then I didn't have a choice. When I told Phil... He said he still loved me. God, I'm so sorry.”

“You get all that?” Rossi asked.

“Yeah,” Hotch answered. “Relay that to Morgan and Reid. As soon as Montolo lands, he's gonna kill Wilson. There'll be no time to intercept or talk him down.” As Hotch was talking, you noticed he was staring at one of the new recruits.

Shortly after Rossi hung up, the phone started to ring in the bullpen, “oh, dear, Captain Wilson is calling us, he’s calling home,” Garcia said as she saw the caller ID.

“I can try to fake it,” you stuttered to Hotch.

“All right, everyone quiet,” Hotch announced. “Stay off your phones. No one makes a sound. Lewis, you're up,” a pretty black woman started to approach the desk you had set-up at.

“H-hello?” She picked up the phone. “What is it? Is everything ok?”

“Hotch,” you heard Morgan’s voice through your earpiece. “He just landed.”

“Phil?” She continued. “Just do what you need to do and get home, ok? Sweetie, I can hear it in your voice. What is it?” 

“Morgan, do you have a shot?” Hotch asked.

“Do you have a visual?” you assumed Morgan asked one of their SWAT members. “Hotch, this is negative. Wilson's in the way.” 

“Honey, talk to me, baby,” the new agent was really good. “Tell me where your head is at. I know. I'm so, so sorry about all of it, but just keep your head down and we'll get through this. Ok? Do you hear me, baby? Just keep your head down.” You saw both Hotch and the new agent pull the phone away from their faces. The new agent set the phone back on the receiver.

“What happened?” you asked.

Hotch set his headphones down, “someone fired.” You hated this part of the job. You weren’t able to know who was shot and who was shooting, for all you knew Reid could have been laying a puddle of his own blood.

You waited in agony for a few minutes before Garcia’s phone started to ring, “It's Reid,” she answered the phone. Reid, what happened? What happened? What happened?”

We got both of them,” you heard Reid over the phone and let out a long sigh of relief. “Alive.”

“Yes!” Garcia practically screamed.

“Good work,” Hotch smiling was a nice sight to see. “We'll see you back here.” 

“Look, I just want to say, even if I don't get the position that this was the best job interview ever,” the new agent was smiling from ear to ear. 

“Penelope Garcia,” Garcia stretched her hand out to the new agent. “You're marvelous. She's marvelous.”

“I’m Dr. Y/N Reid,” you went to shake her hand.

“Reid?” she furrowed her brow. “Are you and that other agent siblings?”

“We’re married actually,” you gave her a warm smile.

“Agent Lewis,” Hotch interrupted. “I believe I asked you to wait and that was about 36 hours ago.”

“It was completely worth it,” Agent Lewis was still smiling.

“Maybe we could have that sit-down now?” Hotch asked.

“Yes, 2 a.m. is my jam,” she started to walk toward Hotch’s office. You turned around and started to pack your stuff up. You hadn’t even realized it was that late.

“Sir?” Garcia stopped him. 

Hotch turned around to face Garcia, “Yes.” 

“Do I have to organize the other applicants to follow her?” Garcia whispered. 

Hotch smiled, “no, you can tell them the position's been filled.”

You liked agent Lewis and smiled at Hotch’s answer. The two of them went to his office and closed the door. Garcia grabbed her equipment and headed back to her office. 

The bullpen was quiet, which is an odd sight. You laid your head down on your desk and closed your eyes. You made a promise with yourself that you wouldn’t fall asleep. Unfortunately, you were woken up by Reid who was crouching by your side and playing with your hair. 

“Let’s go home,” he smiled at you when he saw your eyes open. 

You yawned, “please.” Standing from your seat you grabbed your car keys from your pocket.

Reid grabbed the keys from your hand as you got to the elevator, “I’m driving,” he smirked. You pouted at his chivalry. 

When you got to the car you snuggled into your seatbelt to try and fall asleep again, “I love you,” you whispered as you fell asleep. Before you were knocked out you heard a small scoff and an ‘I love you too.’


	4. I don't wanna be your friend , I wanna kiss your lips

_ 1/13/2016 _

“Spencer?” A woman approached the table Reid was sitting at.

The way Spencer’s face changed when he saw made you uneasy, “Cat? 

“Hi!” for a hitwoman she seemed weirdly approachable.

“Hi,” the monitor set-up in the kitchen for you showed your husband standing across from a beautiful young woman.

“Hi,” she gave him a warm smile.

“Hello. Hi. Hi. Nice to finally,” you saw her go in to give him a hug and he pulled away. “Oh--sorry, I have a-- a germ thing. Oh. I'm kind of weird with hu-hugs.” 

“Sorry,” she didn’t mean it. “Can I sit down?”

“Yes, please,” he gestured to the seat across from him. “Oh, yeah. Of course. Sit down.” 

“First time doing this?” she smiled. 

“Yeah,” he muttered. “I mean, yeah.” 

“Yeah, I--I still get nervous, too,” she was trying her best to be friendly. “Really, it wasn't until an hour ago that I was like, wait, we've been trading emails back and forth, but I still have no idea what this guy looks like.”

“Hence the,” he pointed at the red rose in front of her. You were tapping your foot and biting your nails at the sight of your husband on a ‘date’ with another woman.

“I know,” she giggled. “And then I was like, wait, he's going to bring a red rose, so we need to go to a nicer place, which is why I switched the restaurant last-minute.”

“Not a problem at all,” he had his beautiful smile on his face.

“And now I need to change and put something nice on for this place, 'cause I was totally underdressed, and my whole wardrobe makes me look like a Kardashian,” Reid had a confused look on his face. “You know who that is, do you?”

“No, oh, yeah, Robert Kardashian, He got O.J. Simpson off. You--you don't look like his daughters,” he shook his head.

“Yeah, no, I was making a joke about them,” she seemed to be annoyed. 

“No, it was good,” he smiled. “It was a good joke.” 

“No, it wasn't,” she giggled.

“It was funny.” 

“Can we start over?” she asked. “Hi, I'm Cat.”

“Hi,” he stumbled over his words. “I'm Spencer.”

“It really is nice to meet you, in person, finally,” she shrugged. “It's nice to meet you. Tell me a little bit about yourself. Do you really have 3 Ph.D.s?” 

“Yes. Um, I--yeah, I do, I have 3 Ph.D.s.”

“What was your favorite book that you read last year?” she asked.

“Um, honestly, I've never read a book I didn't love,” Reid sheepishly responded.

“Tell me about your wife,” she leaned forward.

“If you don't mind, I'd, uh, I'd rather not talk about her,” he cleared his throat.

“Might as well get it out in the open, right?” she seemed to let out a small laugh. “That's why we're here. How long have you been married?”

“4 years,” in reality you and Reid had only been married for 7 months.

Cat paused,“when is she due to give birth?” 

“Uh…” Reid’s voice got quiet. “A couple of-- a couple of months. Should we talk about price now, or…”

“Slow down, tiger,” she cut him off. “What exactly are we negotiating here?”

“You know,” he looked around. 

“I want to hear you say it.” 

“To have her killed,” the look on his face told you everything you needed to know. Reid would never say such a thing about you.

“Let me see your ring,” her voice sounded much more chipper. Reid did as she asked and gave her his hand. He insisted on buying a new ring, insisting he didn't want her anywhere near you. “You know what that is? A noose. Only it doesn't kill you all at once. It kills you slowly, day by day. You ever feel that way?”

He nodded, “I feel that way all the time.” It was unsettling seeing him talk so poorly of you.

“Take it off,” she commanded. 

“Why?” he smiled.

“As a sign of your commitment,” she seemed so proud of herself. “To me.” You watched as he took off his ring and placed it in her hand.

“If she sticks to the pattern, she'll take him to a secondary location and kill him,” you heard JJ’s voice over your com. 

“We're not gonna let it get that far,” Rossi was sitting at a table and JJ was at the bar. “Hotch, do you have a visual?”

Just hacked in,” Garcia’s voice made you a lot calmer than before. 

“All right,” Hotch said, “we have you over her left shoulder. Do you copy?” you saw Reid look at the camera. “All right, all agents stand by. Dr. Reid will give the green light. Don't move until we have it. Y/N are you there?” 

“Yes, sir,” the hustle and bustle of the kitsch made it harder for you to hear but you managed.

“Remember you do not engage unless absolutely necessary,” he reminded you of the deal you made the week prior.

“I know,” you smirked.

“24-karat?” She asked. Reid nodded. “24k times... 4 years means this ring should be dinged and nicked. But the sucker is brand-new. You're not married.” You could hear the sound of a gun cocking. Reid was tapping his finger on his hand. You realized he was trying to say something in morse code. You got a pen and napkin from a waitress to write it down, ‘she doesn’t know about you.’

“What was that? Was that what I think it was?” you could hear how flustered Garcia was.

“Everybody hold,” Hotch commanded. 

“Why are we here, Spencer?” Cat asked.

“We're here because you belong to a network of 4 hitmen who've been operating in the shadows of the Internet,” Reid calmly explained. “You're known as Miss .45. My team and I have been hunting for months, and I knew that if I boxed you in, I could arrest you with as little resistance as possible.”

“Your team being the behavioral analysis unit of the FBI?” she paused. “You guys are good. You're the only ones that got close to us. But we got kind of close to you, too, didn't we? Hi, Penelope. Do you know why I'm so good at my job?”

“Because you kill without compunction or remorse.” 

“That only gets a girl so far in life,” she leaned closer to him. “No, it's because I think through every potential outcome and then I plan accordingly. You see, I didn't walk into your trap. You walked into mine. Where's your head, Spencer? What are you thinking about?” You watched as she moved closer to him.

“I was thinking about entropy,” she was feeling him up. “It's the thermodynamic measure of the degradation of matter and energy in the universe. To put it another way--”

She pulled his gun from his belt, “there's your gun.”

“Good evening,” the waiter approached the table. 

“Hi, uh, you know what?” she smiled. “We've been having so much fun getting to know one another, we'll let you know when we're ready, ok? Thank you.” The waiter left and she returned to torturing your husband. “Now that we got that out of the way, will you do me a favor and tell Blondie McBlonderson over there at the bar to disappear.”

“JJ, stand down,” Hotch commanded.

JJ stodd from her seat at the bar and headed for the kitchen. “Thanks for playing, sweetie,” Cat shouted as JJ walked past.

“If she learns how many agents we have outside, she'll start shooting,” Hotch said. “Dave, get ready to take her out. Reid, do not let her get up from the table.”

“All right, you're in charge,” given his current position Reid was abnormally calm. “Tell me what you want and I'll see if I can get it here for you.”

“Anything I want?” she smirked.

“Anything you want.” 

“Like a million dollars in unmarked bills, maybe a plane to Aruba?”

“Is that what you want?” Reid kept a straight face never letting his emotions get the better of him. 

“And you'll say you'll bring it here, but the real plan is to distract me from what is, I'm sure, an impressive law enforcement response just outside that door. Is that the plan?”

“That's the plan,” he smiled.

You watched as JJ came over to your place in the kitchen, “Did you have fun?” you giggled.

“It was entertaining to say the least,” she smiled.

“Because I know what I want now. I want to play a game with you,” Cat smiled. “You like games?” 

“I do.”

“Do you win?” 

“I always win,” the way he said that made you uneasy, it was very aggressive.

“Give it to me,” she demanded. Reid followed and handed his phone to her. “Ok, here's my game. You have 30 minutes to answer every question I ask. And if you lie, I'll know. Because I've spent the past 10 years of my life studying men and their lies before I kill them. Do you believe me?”

“I do.”

“That was true,” Cat smiled. “You're getting this. Now, here's how we'll know who wins at the end of 30 minutes. If you win, you'll drag me out of here in handcuffs. But if I win, you will escort me out like a gentleman, to make sure I exit safely. What do you say, Spencer? Think you can win this one?”

He leaned closer to her and lowered his voice, “considering everything you've put Garcia and so many people through, you're going to have to shoot me in the face before you walk out of here.”

“Game on,” you watched as she smiled at the thought of shooting him point-blank in the face.

“What do you want to ask me?”

“How you found me, of course,” she pressed start on the timer. “A professional learns from her mistakes.”

“We got our big break in the case at the end of last year,” Reid started. “I didn't learn how big until I came back from some time off.”

“Why'd you take time off?” she smirked.

He hadn’t told you much about why he didn’t go to work for three months. All you really knew was that he was visiting his mom in Vegas a lot. He would go to Vegas for two months and then come home for a few days. Every night he would call you and tell you he loved you. 

“Stop,” Cat interrupted Reid’s story.

“What?” Reid seemed confused.

“You didn't tell me why you took time off.” 

“It's not relevant,” he deflected. 

“That's not the game,” she frowned. “The game is you answer every question I ask. Is it a secret?”

“No,” he smiled.

“Is it dirty?” she seemed happy at the thought of it being something dirty.

Reid furrowed his brow, “no.” 

“Then tell me,” she whined.

“It's not important to your story.” 

“Out of curiosity, is it me you don't want to tell or the people listening in?” she asked

Reid looked down at his phone, “Is this really how you want to spend your 30 minutes?” 

“Yes,” she smiled. “No. Ok, so you were saying you showed up for work that morning and…” 

“We learned that someone unexpected decided to talk,” he continued.

“And who would that be?”

“Brian Cochran from the NSA,” Reid explained. “He had used one of your colleagues to target a DEA agent. The prison put him in solitary confinement where he ended up having a breakdown. He didn’t know names, only areas of expertise. We learned about the bomber, the sniper, the chemist, and the most dangerous of all…”

“Me,” she interrupted. 

He nodded, “yes.” 

“Wow, that was really impressive,” she was mocking him. “Yeah, the way you just made all those brilliant deductions with all that information that was just handed to you on a silver platter. Quick question--are you guys really profilers or are you just lucky? Because this, what I'm about to say-- is profiling. The reason you took time off from work was to deal with the same girl who broke your heart.”

“No,” you really hoped he wasn’t trying to get away from you.

“The death of a parent, then,” she guessed. 

“No,” Reid shook his head. 

“Ah, hello, I'm getting close. It's mom or dad in the billiard room with the candlestick. Oh, you're mad at me, aren't you?” she seemed to be frowning. 

“Not even a little bit,” he smiled.

“Yes, you are, I can tell.”

He leaned closer to her, “no offense, but you're not really worth getting angry at.” 

“So you figured out what the 4 of us did, and then what?” she sighed.

“We profiled that you operated as spokes on a wheel. Somehow it had to be centralized, how you got jobs, who paid you. Somebody did all that for you.”

“You found the Snowman, didn't you?”

Reid smiled, “we did. We also learned that one of you had kidnapped him and were holding him against his will. Hotch had received something very important that helped us find him.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm confused. What just happened there?” she interrupted, again.

“When we arrested Cochran, we found a flash drive, one that gave us access to a specific shadow of the Darknet, one we didn't even know existed,” he explained. “Garcia used it to find the website that Snowman set up for all of you. Once we had the website, we had geography, specifically, the safe house you were keeping him in. So we waited until the shift change when we knew we could take two of you down at once. When we raided the house both of them killed themselves.”

“Well, well, well, you took the chemist and the sniper out of commission, huh?” she smirked.

“Did you know?” Reid asked

“I knew something was off,” she leaned back. “They didn't bid on some contracts. And this isn't the kind of job where you get to take time off to be with your... Mother? Is it your mom? It's gotta be your mom. Why'd you take time off from the FBI?”

“I'm not gonna tell you.”

“Spencer,” she was much more serious this time, “why did you take time off from the FBI?” 

“You can ask me as many times as you want, and you can continue to waste your time, but I'm still not gonna tell you.”

“Then you're cheating, and I don't like cheaters.”

“Just tell her,” you muttered to yourself. If she was this angry about something so simple you didn’t want to see what she was going to do.

“You don't get everything you want just because you're pointing a gun at me under a table. You're not the first killer to point a gun at me. You're not even the first woman to point a gun at me. Sorry.”

“You're really gonna take this all the way, aren't you?” 

“Yeah,” he smirked.

“So am I.” 

“Dave, go,” Hotch ordered. You and JJ watched on the monitor as Rossi stood from his seat and start walking toward their table. Cat made her way closer to Spencer. 

“Look at my face. Does it look like I'm bluffing?” Reid didn’t even have a smile on his face.

“I know you're not bluffing,” Cat reached out to grab his tie and started to twist it. “I'm gonna ask you one more time. Before you say no, I want you to consider something.” All you could hear was static.

“She muffled the mic,” Garcia said. “We lost audio.” You all waited in silence for Spencer’s mic to come back on. The only thing keeping you sane was the live video.

“Rossi, stand down,” you let out a long sigh at the sound of his voice. “Please.” Rossi did as he asked and started for the kitchen.

“Welcome to the locker room,” you giggled. 

He looked at you with no expression, “I hate the locker room.” 

“My mom has schizophrenia, and the doctor has changed her medication, which seemed to agitate her, and so I went to the treatment center to help her,” Reid explained.

“That's it?” Was she actually disappointed with his answer? 

“That's it.”

“You just risked your life over mommy's pills?” Cat asked. 

“It's the truth,” he smiled. 

“It's part of the truth,” she moved back to her original position across from Spencer. “You're holding something back. Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna penalize you by adding 10 minutes. And keep in mind that the only reason you're not dead right now is because I did learn something important.”

“Oh, really?” he mocked. “What's that?” 

“Your back up,” she looked around the restaurant. “I flushed them out. It's just you and me now.”

“Guess again, bitch,” Tara said. 

“So when we left off, the score was you had two of our guys and the Snowman. You must have thought you were home free.”

“No, Reid shook his head. “If anything, the case was harder. We needed to find a way to get to either you or the bomber, we chose you. But first, we had to get the data that we needed from the Snowman. From that, we could start to build a profile that would lead us to you. When we knew what we were looking for, the pattern was obvious. You only killed men who were looking to have their pregnant wives killed. You took their money and then killed the men who hired you. This led me to volunteer to be your next victim. If I could get you here to meet me and things went awry, you would be more likely to reason with someone who was closer to your age. My wife and boss both shot down my idea but eventually, we all decided this was best…”

“Hold on a second,” she leaned forward in her seat. “I thought you weren’t married.”

“8 months tomorrow,” he was lying. You two got married 7 months ago to the day.

Cat’s face lit up, “is she listening in?”

“She doesn’t work for the bureau,” another lie that you weren’t opposed to. 

“If she were pregnant would you actually want her dead?” she whispered.

Reid leaned forward to meet her, “never in my wildest dreams.” You let out a long sigh of relief which led JJ to give you a hug. 

You watched as Cat rolled her eyes, “back to the story.”

He shrugged, “it was a pretty good plan too.”

“You have zero control here. None. I outflanked you from the beginning.”

“Some of your moves were pretty obvious.”

“Such as?” 

“Such as showing up armed. Such as changing the venue at the last moment. Can I tell you a little secret?” he smirked. “Everything eventually falls apart. The trick is accepting when it's over.”

“Except it ain't over, is it?” 

“Do you really think I'm just gonna let you walk out of here?”

“You profiled so much about me, except you forgot to ask the most important question. Why would I make you sit here for 30 minutes?” she asked.

“Because you're stalling.” 

“Then you don't know me at all. Did you guys show up here without an escape plan? Or is that what just another girl with daddy issues do? Maybe if you hadn't fallen victim to your own gender bias, and, yes, all men have a gender bias, even you, Dr. Reid, you would have recognized that your entire strategy was based on one faulty detail. Can you see it?”

“You're not here alone,” Reid’s face turned from a smirk to a panic.

“And my partner?” 

“Planted a bomb in the building.” 

“We're on the move,” you said as you and JJ headed for the basement. You had some of the staff lead you underneath the building. “Hotch, we've got interconnected c-4 charges down here.” 

“How many?” 

“There are 6 charges,” JJ sighed. “They're connected to the city's gas line. She could take out the whole block. If we alert anyone, then the panic could set her and the bomb off. SWAT's on the radio with the bomb squad. They say our only chance is to get our hands on that cell phone. If we shut down the trigger, we can remove the charges.”

“Morgan,” Hotch called.

“Go ahead, Hotch,” Morgan was still up in the restaurant.

“Does she have a cell phone with her?” Hotch asked.

“I don't think so. I didn't see her pull one out,” you could barely hear Morgan. “The bomber was setting this up while we were all up here. I think he's holding the stick. We're combing the block. He could be anywhere, though.”

“Where's Lewis?” Hotch asked.

“Are you good if I go back upstairs?” you whispered to JJ who responded with a nod.

“Reid, perimeter agents are pulling back. You have to let her go.” Hotch sighed.

“Well?” you could see Cat becoming increasingly annoyed. “Spencer…” 

“You can leave,” he sighed. “But you won't.” 

“I'm sorry?”

“Double or nothing,” Reid straightened his back. “You need to sit back down.” 

“Reid, what are you doing?” Hotch seemed angry with him.

“Wow, now you're stalling,” Cat smirked.

“You played your trump card, but I have one, too.”

“Thanks for dinner. I had fun.”

“I found your father,” Cat stopped in her tracks at Reid’s statement.

“No, you didn't.” 

“Look at my face. Am I bluffing? I'll tell you where he is. But you need to sit back down and listen to the rest of my story.”

“No. Tell me now. Or I'll-- detonate the bomb?”

“You're not gonna do that, Cat because then you won't learn anything. You said you were good at your job because you think through every outcome. Well, guess what-- so do I.”

“All right. Finish the story.”

“To prepare for this dinner, I had to learn everything about you, starting with your real name,” he started. “We searched through foster care records and found you were the daughter of Daniel Adams, who did in fact leave the country in 1987 but returned in 2012. Based on confidential records in rehabs and sober living houses, which in turn pointed us to flophouses and soup kitchens. He couldn't put 24 hours together sober. And you can probably imagine my surprise when I discovered that he actually lives right here in D.C.”

“Where?”

“It's not that simple. He was in bad shape when I found him.”

“He didn't remember me?” 

“The alcoholism shredded his brain. I'm sorry.”

“You're not sorry. Sorry is what people say when they don't understand. Wait. Your mother--tell me.”

“Is--is this part of the game? 

“No. The game's over.” 

“When I looked at her medical chart, it--it didn't make any sense. The medication that they gave her should have been helping, but I couldn't figure out what was making her so angry. So, I, uh, I went to see her. The moment I walked in her room, I saw it. For 3 seconds... She didn't know who I was. I, um, I had her tested that morning, and I found out that night... That she had early onset of dementia. Most likely Alzheimer's,” you could feel your heart break. Why didn’t he tell you?

“Did you test yourself? No, you didn't. You were too scared.”

“I thought I dodged a bullet when I turned 30 and didn't have a schizophrenic break like her, but, uh, this is somehow bigger and scarier because I can actually see it happening. All the memories that we used to share are just dying. I can't stop it. I can't help her. All I can do is find people that I can help.”

“Is that really why you showed up tonight?” you saw just how annoyed Cat was becoming. “To help me? Do you know how many men have told me that they wanted to help me? How do you think that worked out for them?”

“Hotch, she just armed the bomb,” JJ’s panicked voice came through your earpiece. “Hotch, we need to pull back.”

“Hotch, we might have a lead here,” Morgan said calmly. “She hasn't touched anything to arm the bomb.”

“That means the bomber's here, somewhere in the restaurant,” Lewis added.

“All right, if you can take him, do so, but the priority is evacuation,” Hotch reminded.

“I'm not even sure if it is a him,” Lewis continued. “Cat mentioned something about gender bias, so that could apply to the bomber as well.”

“All right, she'd have to be in a position to maintain line of sight on Reid all night,” Morgan asked. “Who do you see?”

“Look for anyone with their phone out,” Hotch added. “That's the detonator. Our woman will give herself away by looking over.”

“I've got her,” Morgan whispered. “Blue dress. By the bar. Y/N can you get her?”

“On it,” you grabbed your blazer and left the kitchen. Hotch had you dress similarly to the manager just in case you needed to be undercover. You walked over to the woman by the bar, “Hello ma’am, how was your dinner tonight?”

“It was good,” spoke quickly and returned her gaze to Cat and Reid.

“Let me know if there is anything else you need,” you reached into your pocket and grabbed your handcuffs. “Time to go,” you grabbed her wrist and twisted it behind her back. Lewis came over to help you. 

“Hotch, we're clear,” Lewis said. 

“Reid's not,” you did your best to not focus on Reid but that was hard given Hotch’s words. 

“Don't! FBI,” Morgan shouted as he pulled out his gun.

“Everybody stay calm, please,” you focused your attention on the civilians.

“We're gonna be smart about this and talk it out. Aren't we, Cat?” Morgan asked. 

“That's up to you,” she quipped. 

“Get everyone out of here,” Reid demanded. 

“Move,” Lewis said. The two of you followed the restaurant patrons out along with the bomber. You shoved her in a police car and went back to the entrance of the building. Taking out your earpiece, you leaned against the wall and let out a loud sigh.

Lewis started to walk toward you, “are you okay?”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “Will you let me know if Hotch says anything?”

“Of course,” she put a hand on your shoulder and leaned against the wall. Rossi and JJ cae around from the back of the building and waited for the paddywagon to arrive, this was still part of Reid’s plan. “They’re coming out,” Lewis turned to you.

You went to the door and eagerly awaited their arrival. You saw the door open and out came Reid, Morgan, and Cat in handcuffs.

“Wait,” she stopped walking. She looked up and Reid, “ok I’m ready.” The three of them approached an empty paddy wagon. When Morgan and Reid opened the doors, Cat’s face dropped. Reid helped her climb into the van and handcuff her to the seat. You went and stood next to Morgan who put his hand on your shoulder. Reid and Cat were talking but it was inaudible. When they were done Reid climbed out and walked away, you instinctively followed him. 

“Reid,” you shouted after him. 

He stopped walking and waited for you to catch up with him. You eventually did catch up, and he wrapped you in a hug immediately after, “I love you so much,” you could hear him whisper between his sobs. You held him the entire time crying and walked him back to the restaurant.

“Kid,” Morgan greeted him, “can you drive me home?” 

Reid nodded and started to walk toward his car. Morgan took shotgun and you got the back. The drive to Morgan’s house was quiet enough for you to fall asleep. You didn’t wake up until about 30 minutes later. The car had stopped and you heard Reid get out. You watched as he walked down to a swing set and sit on one of the swings. There must have been something about his mother that made him want to come here. You climbed into the passenger seat and fell back asleep. Reid came back and drove back to the apartment. He carried you inside, laid you on the bad, and kissed your forehead before he too laid down and fell asleep.


	5. Wait right here, I'll be back in the mornin'

_ 2/14/2017 _

This morning was like any other, the only thing that set it apart was the date. It was valentine's day and Reid wasn’t there. He told you he was going to see an Alzheimer’s specialist in Houston. He left you alone with his senile mom.

You tried your best to understand what he was going through. Hotch and Morgan had both left within six months of each other. It hurt the entire team but Reid took it the hardest. Morgan partly named his son after Spence and then left. Hotch and Jack went into protective custody when Scratch escaped from jail. The team gained two new members, neither bad, but they weren’t Morgan or Hotch. 

You were laying in your bed awake when your alarm went off. Groaning you pulled the covers off and placed your bare feet on the cool hardwood floors. You changed into a pants suit and made your way to the bathroom. You brushed your hair, your teeth, and put on a little bit of makeup before heading to the kitchen for coffee. Diana was still asleep on the couch so you got your coffee and slipped out before she could wake up. You made your way to the parking lot and started your car. The drive to work was boring, Reid had always made them more exciting. He would tell you a joke only you would get or a fact that was kind of scary, but you felt safe. 

The elevator brought you up to the sixth floor, dinging to tell you your day was just starting. JJ, Penelope, Luke, Prentiss, and Rossi were all standing around in the bullpen when you came in.

“Sorry I’m late,” you smiled as you set your bag down at your desk. They all seemed to shift their feet around. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Prentiss was quick to answer. “We are just doing paperwork today, why don’t you go home and take care of Diana?”

“Emily, are you sure?” you went to grab your stuff again. 

She looked around the group with a nervous look on her face, “Yeah, Reid would kill us if we made you stay.” They all seemed to fake smiles, but it was a day off and you were going to make the best of it.

“Thank you,” you grabbed your stuff and headed back to the elevator. You had a smile on your face the whole way home. There was one detail that you and Reid left out when you told the team Diana was coming to live with you. Reid hired a caretaker for her who could come when you were at work.

You hadn’t had a day off in a while so you had no idea what to do. There was only one thing you were sure of, you needed to go to the drugstore. You stopped at a CVS and bought a pregnancy test. It wasn’t the first time you’d bought one so you stayed calm the whole time. The only reason you bought it was because your period had been two weeks late. You had made a list of the causes and this was the easiest to cross off. 

When you got back to the apartment, you b-lined to the bathroom. You followed the directions to a t. While it was processing you sat in the corner and thought about how your life may change in the next five minutes. The timer on your phone snapped you out of your trance. You felt like you were floating as you walked back to the sink. 

Two lines. There were two lines. You, according to the pregnancy test, were pregnant. You made the decision in a split second that Reid was going to be the first person you told. 

***

The rest of the day was incredibly boring. All you did was clean and worry. No one had called you, at all. At around 6, you had had enough. You called JJ, whose phone went to voicemail twice before she finally picked up. 

“Hey, how’s it going?” you kept your voice happy and upbeat.

She let out a long sigh before finally speaking, “Y/N you should come back,” she took a long pause and you didn’t breathe the entire time, “it’s Spence.”

“What happened?” you pressed the phone between your shoulder and your ear while you grabbed your stuff. 

“We’ll tell you when you get here,” she sighed.

You started your car and put the phone on speaker, “ok, bye JJ,” you hung up. The frustration that overwhelmed you was immeasurable. You banged against your dashboard and let out a loud scream before putting the car in drive and heading back to Quantico.

When you got there you took the elevator up. The entire time you could feel your heart beating in your chest. The doors opened and you nearly started crying. The tone of JJ’s voice didn’t meet the sight you saw when you stepped out. Everyone was standing outside of the elevator’s. You noticed the somber tones and the meticulously placed FBI jacket on Reid’s hands.

“What’s going on?” you asked as you stepped out of the elevator. “Spence?” 

He looked down at the floor with a guilty look on his face. 

“He got into some trouble in Mexico,” Prentiss started. “They believe that he murdered a doctor named Nadie Ramos.”

“Oh my god,” you felt light-headed and nauseous. 

“We know you didn't do anything wrong,” JJ explained.

“But I should have told you guys I was going there,” Reid apologized. “I never... never imagined in a million years it would have turned out like this.”

“No one thought that this could have happened,” Prentiss stepped in.

“Look, you're not in this alone anymore,” Walker’s voice was very calming. “Ok?” 

“No secrets,” Rossi added.

Spence smiled, “deal.” 

“My turn,” Garcia interrupted. “Come here, you. Oh, my God. Your color's better. All I had to look at was that mug shot, and it had me really worried.”

“Yeah, we all were,” JJ added.

“Glad you're back,” Prentiss placed her hand on his shoulder. 

“Me, too,” Spence turned to look at you. “How's my mom doing?” 

“She's fine,” you answered. “You don't need to worry about her, I promise.”

“I can't help it,” he smiled. “Can I talk to you?” he stared at you and waited for you to respond.

You nodded, “of course.” The two of you walked farther down the hallway for some privacy. “I’m so sorry,” you wrapped your hands around his neck and started to cry.

He laid his head into your shoulder, “I should be the one apologizing.” You let him go from the hug and wiped your tears. “I should have told you,” he frowned.

“No, all that matters is that you're safe,” you placed a quick kiss on his lips.

“I won’t have much time here so I need you to know that no matter what happens I love you,” he smiled.

“I love you too,” you gave him another hug.

You felt a hand on your shoulder and looked up to see Rossi, “I’m sorry guys, it’s time to go.”

“I love you,” Reid shouted again as he was escorted away.

The tears rolling down your face prevented you from saying anything more than a whisper, “I love you too,” you muttered out. It was hard to watch your husband being dragged away but Luke came over and gave you a hug. JJ drove you home and made sure everything was ok before she left. The first thing on your mind was that you didn’t tell him about the baby. You decided that it was for the best, he didn’t need another thing to worry about.


	6. I know that I'm stuck  in this misery, guess I'm not enough

_ 2/20/2017 _

Reid was being held in the DC precinct. You spent all the time there that you could. Emily came in one morning to find you asleep on the chairs in the front office. JJ had been bringing him clothes and checking up on Diana. 

Every time you got to see him your heart broke a little more. He kept a smile on his face, but deep down you knew he was hurting. Emily made sure that you were given enough sick time so you didn’t have to leave Spence alone. 

The only day you weren’t with him was Friday. You had scheduled an appointment with your doctor to confirm your pregnancy, and she did. It was official in about 36 weeks you would welcome a brand new baby. 

“Y/N,” Prentiss called, “a really good friend of mine is one of the best defense attorneys in DC, I was hoping it was okay if she represented Reid.”

You rubbed your eyes and yawned, “I’m okay with it, but you have to ask Reid. I don’t want to do anything against his will.”

“I understand,” she sighed. “Do you want to ask him now?”

You checked your watch, it was a little late, but we really needed this lawyer, “I suppose.” You stood from the uncomfortable chair you were sleeping in and went with Emily to his cell. The door creaked open and the two of you entered the cell block. You got to Reid’s cell and saw him sitting up, wrapped in a blanket. 

“Hey,” he yawned. “You should be in the office.” 

“I'm right where I need to be, you nodded. “You ok?” 

“Yeah,” he said with a small smile on his face. “I'm ok. How's my mom doing?”

“She's doing well,” you haad been by to check on her every day for a few minutes. “JJ's been by to visit every day since your arrest. She explained everything to your mom. Cassie's been great. That makes a big difference.”

“I'm such an idiot,” when he hung his head your heart broke.

You wanted nothing more to hold him at this moment, “Don't, Spencer, don't. You were trying to help your mother.”

His eyes were sad, “I fell right into Scratch's trap.” 

“He won't win,” you reached one of your hands through the iron bars. You watched as Spence stood from his bed and walked over to you. 

“He already has,” he said as he interlocked his hand with yours. 

You smiled at his touch, “just the battle, not the war. You didn't do anything wrong.” 

“You and I both know that doesn't matter,” he looked you dead in the eyes. “All that matters is what the prosecutor can prove, and Scratch has stacked the deck against me. Even the FBI's abandoned me.”

“I know,” you brought your hands closer to you. “But we'll keep fighting.” 

“I don't even have a lawyer,” he sighed. 

“About that…” Prentiss interrupted. “I have a friend, Fiona Duncan. I've known her forever. Her father was in the foreign service, and we met in Italy when my mother was chargé d'affaires at the embassy there. After college, she was a Rhodes scholar. You'd like her. Anyway, now she's one of the best defense attorneys in D.C. I would like it if you would let me reach out to her about representing you.”

“Emily, I really, I appreciate it, but you helping me could destroy your reputation at the Bureau,” he turned toward your boss and let go of your hand.

“My battle, my choice,” she shook her head. “Please, let me help you. Tell me I can reach out to my friend.”

“Thank you,” he smiled and returned to you.

“Good,” Emily said. “Spencer, listen to me. We are gonna get you out of here, I promise.”

“Emily, I hate to ask this of you, but can we have a moment alone,” you gave her a warm smile and soft pleading eyes.

She returned your smile, “of course, I’ll be outside.” She started to make her way to the door; you didn’t talk until she had left.

“How stressed out are you?” you turned to Reid.

He furrowed his brow in confusion, “what do you mean?”

“I have some news for you, but if it’s going to cause you more stress, I won’t tell you.”

He brought your hand to his mouth and placed a soft kiss on the back of it, “whatever you have to tell me I can handle it.”

“I’m pregnant,” you blurted out. You watched as the words registered in his head. He let go of your hand. “Spencer?”

“Actually?” he asked.

You smiled, “actually.”

The mortified look on his face turned to a smile as he reached both his arms through the bars and wrapped you in a hug, “I’m going to be a dad!”

“Please keep your voice down, I haven’t told anyone else,” you sighed into whatever part of him you could.

“How far along are you?” he whispered, letting you out of the hug.

You smiled, “about four weeks.”

You watched as he dropped to his knees and put a hand on your stomach, “Hi there baby, I’m your dad.”

“And you’re going to be out in time to meet him or her,” you smiled at the love of your life kneeling on the floor. “I should let you get some sleep,” you sighed as he stood back up. He gave you a quick kiss and went to lay back on his bed. You walked toward the doors and waited for them to open. 

When you arrived back in the waiting room, you saw Emily sitting in a chair on the phone. It was implied that she was on the phone with her lawyer friend, so you decided to get some sleep at home. 

***

You woke up to a call from Emily saying that she was ready to meet with Reid. You quickly got dressed and made your way to the DC precinct. You found Emily and Fiona Duncan standing by the doors. 

“You must be Fiona Duncan,” you extended your gith hand.

She reciprocated your handshake and smiled, “that’s me.”

“I’m Y/N. Thank you for defending my husband,” you smiled as the three of you walked into the precinct. You three walked to the interview room and talked for a minute before the officer brought Reid in.

“Spencer, hello,” she extended her hand for a handshake.

“Hi,” he gave her a small wave instead of a handshake. 

“Fiona Duncan. Emily speaks very highly of you.” 

“You, too,” Reid smiled. “It's nice to meet you.”

“I'm sorry to be meeting under these circumstances,” Fiona frowned. “Emily, Y/N, this is an attorney-client meeting. We'll need privacy.”

“Yes, of course,” you smiled.

“Are you ok?” you asked Reid before leaving. He gave you his answer with a kiss on the cheek.    
“All right. Bye.” The two of you were escorted back to the front desk by one of the officers. The only way you could think to pass the time was to tap your foot and pace the floor. Surely Emily was annoyed with you by now. Within an hour Fione came out of the shadows on a phone call. 

“Alright, thank you,” Fiona’s heels clicked against the floor as she walked back. “That was the AUSA they want to make a deal.” The three of you made your way to Reid in silence. 

“The AUSA has offered you a deal,” as Fiona delivered the news you watched as Reid’s face light up. “They want you to plead guilty.”

“They want me to plead guilty?” he repeated.

“To involuntary manslaughter,” Fiona sighed. “The offer’s for 2 to 5 years.”

Reid sighed, “2 to 5 years.”

“That's a lot of time,” you frowned. You tried to give him a look that said ‘hey I want you there to meet our child,’ but didn’t know if he understood. 

“I understand,” Fiona nodded. “But it's all about perspective. It's a lot more than nothing, but a lot less than 25 to life, which is what you'd be facing if convicted.”

He turned to you, “do you think I should take it?” 

“I think, given what's at stake, you owe it to yourself to carefully consider it,” you said.

“I don't think I can lie and say that I did this,” Spence hung his head. Your first reaction was to start rubbing his back. “Is that foolish?”

“No,” Fiona shook her head. “No, of course not. I don't want to see you plead guilty to a crime you didn't commit.”

“Or maybe I should cut my losses,” he looked at you. Seeming him so upset broke your heart. 

“Well, the offer is so low, is that a good sign?”Emily asked. “Does it mean that the government thinks they've got a weak case?” 

Fiona nodded, “possibly.” 

“So that's good,” you smiled. 

“Well, not necessarily,” Fiona said with a frown on her face. “It could also mean they're trying to clear the case quickly with minimal publicity. I honestly don't know what it means. And I'm not in the business of second-guessing good offers. Which this is. But I'm also not the one who will be doing time.” 

“What would you do in my shoes?” Spence raised his head and looked at Emily.

“I'm not in your shoes,” Emily shook her head. “It's a decision only you can make. Whatever you decide, I'm always in your corner.” 

We all are.

“Spencer, if you want to fight this to the end, I promise you I will bring everything in my arsenal to the battle,” the fact that Fiona was willing to fight for Spencer made you much happier. “But what I can't promise you is a better outcome than the one they're offering you today.”

Spence looked down at you. You could see the gears turning in his head, “I want to fight.”

You cleared your throat, “Fiona, can I talk to you in private for a moment?”

“Of course,” she nodded. The two of you left Prentiss and Reid alone to talk for a moment.

“I wanted to let you know that Reid and I are expecting a baby,” you fiddled with your hands and waited for her to respond.

“Y/N,” she sighed, “I am going to fight for him. I will give my all to clear his name.” 

You met her eye-line and wrapped her in a hug, “thank you.”

***

You received a call on the day of Spencer’s arraignment that they had found the knife. Emily told you that they had offered a new deal of 5 to 10 years, but Spencer declined. You grabbed your keys and made your way to the courthouse. 

When you entered you found Emily pacing the halls, “thank goodness you’re here,” she called when she saw you.

“Of course,” you wrapped her in a quick hug. “He’s still declining the offer?”

She nodded, “according to Fiona, yes.”

“That means we have to fight like hell,” you said as the rest of the team made their way to you. “I'm so glad you made it in time for the arraignment.”

“What did the kid decide about a plea?” Rossi asked. 

“I don't know,” Emily shook her head. “I'm not sure he does.”

“I can't stand the thought of him being in prison,” Garcia said.

Emily shrugged her shoulders, “but 5 years is a lot less time than 25.”

“He must be agonizing over this decision,” you sighed. 

“Well, whatever he decides, he has our full support,” Luke smiled.

“He knows that,” Emily placed a hand on you back. “It means a lot to him.” 

“We have to prove that Scratch did this,” Walked sighed.

Emily nodded, “we'll get him.” 

“They're calling his case,” you heard Fiona call from behind you. The eight of you made your way into the courtroom. You sat in the front next to Penelope. 

“Case number 149-CR 0308, the U.S. versus Reid,” the bailiff announced.

“Ms. Duncan,” the judge started, “your client is an FBI agent, correct?”

Fiona stood from her seat, “that's right, your honor.”

“You're charged with murder, which is a very serious matter,” the judge addressed Reid directly. 

He too stood from his seat, “yes, your honor.” 

“All right, Ms. Duncan, does your client wish to enter a plea at this time?” 

“He does,” she nods. 

“And how do you plead, agent Reid?” the judge asked. 

“Not guilty,” he announces. 

“Thank God,” Garcia whispered. 

“And as to bail?” the judge turns to face the other lawyer. 

He stands from his seat and adjusts his suit jacket, “the people oppose bail and request remand, your honor.” The court was filled with various sounds. You almost had a heart attack there in your seat.

“Your honor, my client presents no risk of flight,” Fiona was trying her best to defend Reid.

“That's ridiculous,” the AUSA lawyer shouted. “The defendant was arrested after fleeing the murder scene in Mexico.” 

“Those were extenuating circumstances,” Fiona sighed. “He'd been drugged against his will.”

“By failing to notify the FBI of his international travel, the defendant violated the Bureau protocol,” the AUSA lawyer’s voice was becoming very hostile. 

“My client presents no flight risk,” Fiona started. “He has deep ties in this community. His mother suffers from Alzheimer's disease and schizophrenia and lives with him. He is solely responsible for her well-being. Additionally, he's been a decorated SSA with the FBI's behavioral analysis unit for over a decade. 

“And as an FBI agent, he has contacts all over the world,” the lawyer seemed to be fed up with Fiona’s argument.

“Agent Reid would be willing to turn over both his personal and government-issued passports,” she continued.

“If he wanted a counterfeit passport, he could easily get one,” the other lawyer argued. 

“He has no criminal history,” Fiona rebutted. 

“The defendant is uniquely situated to evade law enforcement should he flee the jurisdiction.” 

She turned to face the judge, “your honor, he wants to stay here and clear his good name.”

“He should have thought about his good name before sneaking across the border,” the lawyer quipped.

“I'm prepared to present multiple law enforcement character witnesses on his behalf right now,” you listened as everyone behind you shifted in their seats. “The witnesses are here in the courtroom, all highly respected FBI agents.”

“Simmer down, Ms. Duncan,” you could hear the bitterness in the judge’s voice. “It's almost 6:00 and I'm not inclined to hear from character witnesses. Actions speak louder than words, I always say.”

“We'd be willing to abide by a curfew and strict monitoring of his whereabouts at all times,” she offered.

“Too little too late, counselor,” she sighed.

“Your honor his wife is pregnant,” Fiona finished. You saw Reid look at her and then you. You could feel the eyes of everyone in the courtroom on your back. They felt like hot knives.

“If past behavior is the best indicator of future conduct, and I do believe it is, then your client presents a flight risk. Bail is denied. The defendant will be remanded to federal custody pending trial.” You jumped at the sound of the judge’s gavel. Spencer looked back at you before he was dragged away. The panic in his eyes was enough to make your already broken heart shatter.

You stood from your seat and leaned closer to Fiona, “how long before his case goes to trial?”

“It's a complicated case. 3 months,” she shook her head before turning to face Spencer who was being dragged away in handcuffs. “Spencer, I'm sorry. I will come and see you as soon as I can.”

The rest of the night you refused to talk to anyone. The team tried to comfort you, but nothing worked. You cried yourself to sleep that night and every night after for a week.


	7. Sex in the city Sounds like it takes place on stage

_ 3/1/2017 _

“You think Reid should have taken the plea deal?” Alves asked as you entered the office that morning. The group of them were standing around Reid’s desk. 

“Absolutely not,” JJ shook her head. 

“Now that it’s off the table,” you interrupted, “he’s looking at 25 years to life.”

JJ furrowed her brow, “so you think he should have?”

“Of course not,” it was a little offensive that she thought you wanted your husband incarcerated for 10 years. “I’m just saying that 25 years is a long time.”

“And as we know, juries are fickle,” Tara added.

“I still can’t believe that the judge denied bail,” Walker sighed.

“Did you guys see the look on his face when they dragged him out of that courtroom?” JJ was looking at the ceiling.

You did see his face and trying to remember it made you sick. Well, it was that or the pregnancy. The morning sickness was kicking your ass. “Excuse me,” you said as you covered your mouth and made your way to the bathroom. JJ knew what was happening and followed you out.

You got on your knees and start to throw up in the toilet. JJ busted in and held your hair back.

“Morning sickness?” she asked. You tried your best to nod, but it was difficult. JJ helped you clean up and the two of you made your way back to the bullpen. The rest of the team had moved into the conference room, so you went and joined them. 

The meeting was about people in Philadelphia being sprayed in the face with acid. You gave you two cents and got ready to go to the airfield.

“Y/N,” Emily called from behind you, “can I speak to you for a moment?”

You nodded and made your way into her office, closing the door behind you, “what’s up?” you said while sitting down in the chair across from her.

“I want you to stay in Quantico for the next few cases,” she gave you a look of sympathy. “With everything happening to Reid and your pregnancy, I want to make sure that you are here, for him and for your baby.”

“I understand,” you nod. It wasn’t your first choice to stay behind, but it was for the best. 

“Also, Reid was transferred from the police precinct to the Milburn correctional facility, which means you may not be able to see him for a while,” she sighed.

You quietly stood from your seat and left the room. The rest of the team was getting ready to leave for the airfield, so you made your way to Garcia’s office.

“Garcia,” you said in a sing-songy voice, “we are going to be spending a lot of time together.” You grabbed a chair from her table and brought it next to her at her desk. 

“You weren’t there when I showed the rest of the team, but I made a chart with the visitation schedule for Reid,” she had a giant smile on her face as she pulled out an insanely colorful poster board.

“Why do you get to go first?” you pointed to her name written in orange marker at the top of the board.

She lowered the poster and gave you a frown, “because I made the chart.”

“Ok,” you giggled.

The rest of the case went off without a hitch. The team was home the next day. Penelope had you write a letter to Spencer. She had gone to get Emily’s letter and came back squealing. She told you that you could go see Reid in prison now you just had to make an appointment first. The next available time was in a week.

_ 3/8/2017 _

You were sitting in the cold, beige room waiting for Spencer. You watched as a tall black man entered the room and was followed by a group of prisoners, one of whom was Reid. You watched as he b-lined for you. You tried to give him a hug but you were yelled at by one of the guards.

“Is everything ok, it’s not my mom is it?” he asked as the two of you sat down.

“No, she’s fine. She asked where you were,” you smiled. “Cassie said she was having a really good day.”

“Where did you say I was?” he had a small grin on his face.

You chuckled at the answer to his question, “the beach, she asked if that’s where you were. It seemed to make her happy.”

“Good,” the smile on his face grew making your smile much wider. “How’s the baby?”

“Good,” it worried you that he was worried about you. “That reminds me,” you pulled a small black and white photo from your pocket and handed it to him, “I got a sonogram.”

He pointed to the picture and smiled, “this is our baby?” you nodded and watched as he tried to choke back tears.

“How are you doing?” you asked when he looked up from the picture.

“I’m ok,” his voice was breaking as he talked to you. “I’m really happy to see you. I kind of wish you hadn’t come, it’s not a good idea.” He was looking around the room as if someone was going to attack you.

“Sorry,” you smirked, “you’re stuck with me. Garcia has us on shifts and she took first dibs, but they needed her in the office for a case. I was the lucky one.”

Spencer’s eyes became wider, “A case? Y/N, you should not be here.”

“The last time I saw you, you were being dragged out in handcuffs,” you sighed, “I have every right to be here.”

“What’s the case?”

Why does he care about what the case is, “what?”

“The case. I’m assuming you stayed behind,” he seemed to be stuttering. “Unless it’s local, is it local?”

“No. New York,” you giggled a little bit. “Do you really want to hear this?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “I’d love to have something to think about.”

“Ok, last night they found the latest victim, which is the third in the last six weeks,” you started. “He dumps them in alleys. They’re all female, in their 20’s, Equal opportunity, he crosses race lines. Oh, and the media is having a field day. They’re calling him the bone crusher.” The to of you sat and discussed more details about the case for about half an hour. Reid stopped talking when he hears a few of the inmates talking about you. You could see it getting to him.

“It’s ok,” you smiled. “It’s not my first time in a prison. I can handle it.”

“Sorry,” his voice became very quiet. “I don’t want them looking at you.”

“I don’t either,” you smiled, “but if that’s what it costs to come and see you, I’ll be fine.” The smile of his face warmed your heart. You were trying your best to keep him comfortable but you didn’t know what was going through his head.

“Did you guys get my full panel tox screen results yet?” he straightened his back.

“We did,” you looked down at your hands and sighed. “They were negative for scopolamine.”

“How are we going to prove scratch is behind this?” his voice became higher pitched and he was talking a lot faster. You knew he was stressed out and this wasn’t helping.

“We’ll find another way,” if you could keep your voice calm, he might calm down. “It was really late when they took that blood test, you may have metabolized everything.”

“He’s gonna get away with it,” he whispered.

“Spence, please don’t do this,” you leaned closer to him. “If you give up, we have less to work with. We will get you through this.

“Thank you,” his voice cracked when he spoke. You knew he wanted to cry.

“Visiting hours are over,” one of the guards called.

“I’ll be back soon,” you shouted as he walked out of the room. You made your way back to the office and helped the team finish the case.


	8. Hold my hand tight, we'll make it another night

_ 4/5/2017 _

“Emily,” you said through the tears, “I need your help.”

“Y/N, what’s the problem?” She turned the lights on, closed the door, and came to sit with you on the couch.

You tried your best to compose yourself, “I’ve been getting letters.” You pulled ten pieces of paper from your pocket and handed them to her.

She quickly read through a few of the letters, “why didn’t you show me these before?”

“I thought it wasn’t a big deal,” you wiped the tears from your eyes.

“I will destroy you and your child,” she read aloud, “Your husband will be lucky if he ever sees you again.”

“Please stop,” you sobbed.

She set all ten letters on the table, “how long have you been getting these?” 

“Since about mid-January,” you shrugged. The tears starting to subside you placed one hand on your growing stomach and rubbed your forehead with the other.

“And they have your address?” she grabbed the most recent letter and read it again.

You nodded and grabbed one of the papers, “they were delivered to the apartment.”

“Did you tell anyone else about this?” she placed a hand on your shoulder.

“No,” you shook your head and wiped your nose, “I didn’t know who else to talk to.”

“Thank you for coming to me,” she wrapped you in a tight hug. “We have a case but when we get back we can look into this further.”

“Ok,” you continued the hug for a few minutes before letting go. You stood from the couch and made your way back to your desk. 

The case was about a sixteen year-old who went missing in New York. After the briefing you and Garcia headed to her office. 

“Hey, are you okay?” she asked as she shut the door behind you.

“I’m fine,” you said with a sniffle. “I’m going to see Reid later today and I’m a little scared.”

She sat down in her chair and booted up all of her computer screens, “why?”

“I haven’t seen him since he got hurt,” you could feel the tears from earlier returning to your eyes. “I don’t want to be  _ that _ wife. Plus, I look like a mess today.”

“You’re the love of his life,” she gave you that look that only Garcia can. “He wouldn’t think less of you if you went in covered in dirt.”

You let out a small laugh and fiddled with your thumbs, “I miss him,” you started to cry again. The tears flowed out of your eyes ruthlessly.

“I know,” she pulled your chair closer to her and embraced you in one of her world famous Garcia hugs. “Rossi went to visit him earlier today. He said he was in much better shape.”

“That’s good,” you sobbed. Garcia held you for about five minutes before letting go. The two of you started to get information on the other teenagers who went missing.

After about two hours, you said goodbye and started for the prison. It was similar to the last time you saw him. He rushed to you when he entered the room.

“I missed you so much,” he cooed when he sat down.

You smiled and held back even more tears, “how are you feeling?”

“I’m better,” he didn’t have any bruises on his face anymore. “How are you feeling?” 

“I’m ok,” you fiddled with the ring on your finger.

He looked around the room a bit before leaning closer to you, “how far along are you?”

“About 10 weeks,” you whispered. 

“Is there a case right now?” he asked in his hushed voice.

You nodded, “a sixteen year-old went missing in New York.”

“They called you in for that?” he furrowed his brow and leaned back a bit.

“They believe it’s connected to a few other kidnappings in the city.”

“Oh,” he nodded.

“I have something for you,” you rummaged around in your pockets before pulling out a small piece of paper. “It’s another ultrasound.”

He grabbed the paper from you and stared at it for a few moments, “I’m really sorry I can’t be there for you.”

“Spence,” you sighed, “I’m sorry I can’t be here for you more often.”

He looked back at you and smiled, “you’re not in any pain are you?”

“Nothing I can’t handle,” you giggled at his sentiments. “Look on the back,” you pointed to the picture and waited for him to turn it over. You watch his face as he read the words written on the back.

“100 things you love about me,” his voice broke.

“Number 17 is my favorite,” a single tear rolled down your cheek.

His eyes scanned the list and lit up when he saw it, “the way your heart has so much love and compassion that it might burst.”

The two of you talked for a while before you were forced to leave. When you got back to the office Garcia had dug up much more information on the other victims. You worked into the night and slept on the couch in the conference room.

By Saturday, the team had made it back to Quantico safely and had captured the unsub. Emily called you into her office and the two of you returned to the couch.

“I need you to tell me everything you know,” she kept her voice calm and steady.

You explained your theories and all the information you had profiled from the letters, it wasn’t much. 

“Is it if I bring JJ in on this?”

“Of course,” you flashed her a quick smile. Emily left the room and returned a few moments later followed by JJ.

“Y/N has been receiving some incredibly threatening letters. They have all of her personal information.” She did her best to explain with the little information you could give her.

“All of her personal information?” JJ furrowed her brow.

You nodded and grabbed a few of the letters, “they have my address, social security number, email password, phone number, and my credit card information.”

“I have an idea of what we can do but you’re going to hate it,” she sat down next to you while Emilly sat on the table.

JJ explained what she thought was best. It was so absurd that you zoned out halfway through. Prentiss continued to explain what this plan would entail and how it would work, but it would change your life so drastically that you didn’t even want to consider it.

_ 4/12/17 _

The prison was put on lockdown which meant that you couldn’t visit Reid for a while. Prentiss had told Tara that she was granted special privileges to go into the prison as Reid’s doctor. When she came back that night she updated you on Reid’s condition. He was sleep-deprived and constructing false memories. She told you that she was going back the next day to try and get a few more answers. She ended up learning that the person responsible for the murder of Nadie Ramos was a woman. The team tried to refute her claims, but Tara was firm with her opinion and you agreed with her. Prentiss had dismissed the lot of you for the night. When you went home you found out that Diana had fired her nurse and hired a new one. You were so tired that you didn’t question it. 


	9. Oh, I'm looking for affection in all the wrong places

_ 4/14/2015 _

You were woken up that morning by a knock from JJ at your door. “Hey JJ,” you smiled when you opened the door. You noticed that she and Stephen both had their hands on their guns. “What’s wrong?” your face dropped and you immediately allowed them entry into the apartment. 

“Have you heard from Diana recently?” She and Stephen were both walking around the room. 

You thought for a moment about the last time you had seen Diana, “ no, I haven’t.”

“We have to call Emily,” Stephen sighed. They both continued to examine your apartment before Stephen pulled his phone out and started dialing. 

You rushed to your bedroom, “let me get changed and I’ll ride in with you guys.” You closed the door and changed out of your pajamas and into a blazer and dress pants. You did some basic makeup and reentered the living room. 

“Ready?” Stephen asked.

You nodded and grabbed your keys, badge, and gun. The three of you loaded into the SUV. “What do we know so far?” you tried to keep your mind off the fact that you practically got your mother-in-law kidnapped. 

“Reid got an unexpected visit from his mother and Lindsey Vaughn yesterday,” JJ explained. 

You had heard that name before but it was suddenly leaving your mind, “who?”

“We worked a case with them in 2007,” JJ continued. “She and her friend Katie got kidnapped. Katie was killed and Lindsey’s dad shot the suspect in front of Lindsey and Reid.”

“I’m going to call Garcia,” Stephen interrupted. 

“Walker, JJ, you’re on the phone with Alvez,” Garcia’s perky voice rang through the car.

“Hey Luke, we have Y/N with us too,” Stephen started. “No luck finding Cassie or Diana.”

“All right, well, I’m at Cassie’s car right now,” Luke explained. “Forensically, it’s a dead-end, but behaviorally we might have something. It’s parked down the block from a high school.”

“A high school is where Jack Vaughn killed Lindsey’s abductor in front of her and Spencer,” JJ noted.

You furrowed your brow, “well, placing the car there could have been a taunt from her to us.”

“That’s what I was thinking,” Luke said.

You could hear typing and presumed it was from Garcia, “I can look into that. Oh! Oh, per Emily, I was supposed to look at the recent foot traffic in and out of Reid and Y/N’s building. There is no sign of Carol Atkinson, but Jamie LaMantia keeps popping up.”

“I don’t understand,” you interrupted. “What does Jamie have to do with this?” You had met her a few times before but she seemed really sweet.

“Jamie is Carol and Lindsey,” Garcia explained. “She lives in unit 26, down the hall from you. She paid six months of her rent upfront, and there hasn’t been a peep from her since.”

“I’m twenty minutes from your apartment,” Luke said.

“We’re ten,” you tapped Stephen on the shoulder and he got the message to make a u-turn. JJ turned the lights on and the three of you rushed back to your building.

When you got back, you swiped your key card and started your way upstairs. Stephen went in front of you and kicked the door open. You could see the body of Cassie laying on the floor in a puddle of blood. JJ and Stephen cleared the room while you inspected her body.

“Single gunshot wound to the back of the head, execution-style,” the smell was putrid and made you want to throw up. You noticed that JJ was looking at something on the table. “What is it?”

“Surveillance photos,” JJ sighed. You walked over and looked at the numerous black and white photos of Spence and everyone else on the team. You were in a few of them too. 

Stephen pulled his phone out of his pocket, “Emily, we have surveillance photos of Spence and Cassie’s body. Lindsey used an alias to rent out an apartment down the hall from Reid.” He paused for a minute. “There’s no sign of Diana.” He hung up and turned back to you and JJ. The three of you headed back to the SUV and started for Quantico. The ride there was silent. 

Once the elevator let you off, you went straight for the conference room. Tara, Garcia, and Rossi were all looking at files and various databases. JJ followed you in and sat next to you. You immediately grabbed a file and started to dig through the information splattered in front of you. For the next two hours, no one talked. You would eventually stand up and write something on the whiteboard but nobody said anything to you.

“Ugh!” Garica shouted. “I know it’s a different agency but couldn’t someone have told us that Lindsey left witsec?”

“No,” JJ sighed. “It’s for her own protection.”

Tara set the file in front of her down, “even the marshalls stay away unless you’re in trouble. Even our own case agents aren’t told about their member’s status.” 

You watched as Prentiss walked into the room. “How’d it go with Reid?” Rossi asked. 

“As expected,” the way Prentiss spoke made your hope for Reid diminish. “He thinks Lindsey’s using her father’s gun as a way to carry on her father’s legacy.”

“Makes sense, given her daddy issues.” Hearing Rossi say ‘daddy issues’ made you chuckle.

“And I spoke to the warden about getting Reid into protective custody, but he said no,” Prentiss continued.

“Ok,” Garcia was staring very intently at her laptop. “More ballistics literally just came in on Jack Vaughn’s gun, and Lindsey has been a very busy, evil bee.”

“How busy?” you asked as you turned toward the screen where a map was displayed. You watched as about fifteen points appeared on the map, each with a location and date written next to it.

“In fifteen murders in the last five years,” Garcia explained. 

“Shot to the back of the head with a modified hollow-point,” JJ pointed out. “Do you see the geographical pattern?”

“All of the kills are along the US-Mexico border,” you stood from your seat and moved closer to the board.

“And each of the victims has apparent cartel ties,” Garcia added.

Lewis dropped both of her hands to the table, “ so Lindsey has been a cartel hitwoman ever since she left the program.”

“Ok, but why is she using her dad’s gun?” Garica was becoming more and more aggravated with each setback. “It helps us and it’s risky for her.”

“It’s an impulse, not a choice,” JJ explained.

“Garcia can you get me a printed copy of all those files?” you pointed at the screen.

She started typing on her computer and then suddenly stopped, “done.”

You quickly left the room and rushed to the printer. The files and finished printing by the time you got there. You organized them and made your way to the cluster of desks. You sat on the floor by Reid’s desk and spread out all of the files. Each and everyone was a clue to where Lindsey was. You read through each of them, put them in chronological order, and read them again. There were many repeat details that stood out to you. Once you had highlighted everything you rushed to a supply closet and wheeled a whiteboard back to your makeshift workspace. You didn’t see it until now but Reid had a picture of the two of you on his desk. It was the photo you said was your favorite out of all of your wedding photos. Your lips pulled into a soft smile and a single tear fell from your eye, but you looked past it and started to write the repeat details on the board. 

After a few hours, the rest of the team took a break but you kept working and they could all see the exhaustion on your face. JJ came and placed a cup of green tea on Spence’s desk but she didn’t say anything to you. Emily came to talk to them after a while. You couldn’t hear what she said but you watched as they all made their way into the conference room. You worked through the night and eventually fell asleep in Spencer’s chair. When Emily found you, the first thing she noticed was the suit coat draped over your chest. It was Spencer’s. He kept an extra suit in his desk just in case.

“Y/N,” you recognized the voice as Luke’s, “I have news.”

“What happened?” you yawned.

He had a smile on his face that you’d never seen before, “Emily went to talk to the judge, she got Reid exonerated.”

“He’s coming home?” you could feel the tears in your eyes.

Luke nodded, “he’s coming home.” You immediately wrapped your arms around his neck and started to sob into his shoulder. “We can go and pick him up now.”

“Ok,” you sobbed.

“Do you want to bring him a change of clothes?” Luke asked as he grabbed your bag.

“Um,” you wiped the tears from your cheeks, “yeah.” You grabbed the suit from his drawer and folded the jacket on top of it. Luke escorted you and Penelope down to the parking garage. As Luke drove you couldn’t stop smiling.

You jumped out of the car when Luke parked and practically skipped into the prison. The guard escorted you to the room they were holding Reid in. When you walked in he seemed confused. You tried to talk without crying but it was difficult, “we’re taking you home.” He immediately rushed you and wrapped you in a hug. You wrapped your arms around him and buried your face in his chest, his shirt was a good tissue. You could feel him crying into your shoulder and breathing on your neck. “I brought you a change of clothes,” your voice was muffled in his shirt but he knew what you said.

“I don’t care about that right now,” his voice broke with every word he spoke. “All I care about is being here with you at this moment.” The two of you stayed in the same position for ten minutes before the guard kicked you out. You found Luke and grabbed the clothes from him. You gave them to Reid and waited for him to change. 

When he was done, you met up with Luke again and the three of you walked out together. Garcia was waiting for you outside. Once Reid saw her he immediately wrapped her in a hug. 

The four of you drove back to Quantico. You and Reid sat in the back seat, the entire ride you rested your head on his shoulder and held his hand, never even thinking about letting go. 

As soon as you got back the team had to leave and raid a house, but Emily allowed you and Spence to stay behind. You took him back to the apartment to get a few of his things. 

“This photo is on the wrong page,” he pointed to the open scrapbook on the table.

“What do you mean?” you walked around the couch and sat next to him.

He grabbed a photo from the page next to it and held it up, “someone moved these photos around.” He flipped the picture around and found ‘xx-xy’ written on the back. 

“Does that mean something to you?” you placed a hand on his back.

“Only the obvious, male and female chromosomes. Lindsey’s way of telling us she’s with scratch.”

Your phone started to ring, “Hey Emily,” you said when you picked it up. 

“You and Reid need to go to Mount Pleasant Women’s correctional facility, it’s Cat Adams again,” Emily’s voice was firm, it almost scared you.

You stepped away from Reid, “do you want me to tell him?” you whispered.

“It’s probably best,” she sighed. “The jet is waiting for you.” She hung up after that. 

You put the phone into your backpack and turned to your now free husband, “Reid.” You walked back to the couch and sat next to him, “Emily needs us to fly to Iowa.”

He looked up at you confused, “Why?”

“It’s Cat,” you paused and stood from your seat, “again.” He immediately stood from his seat and left your apartment. You rushed after him and caught him just before he sped off in one of the SUVs. He seemed to have a lead-foot while driving, which was extremely out of character.

***

The flight was long and quiet. You fell asleep on Spencer and he held you like a baby. When you woke up, the plane was landing and Spence was staring at you. You quickly briefed him on everything you knew before you arrived at the prison. 

The two of you walked side by side into the observation room. You noticed Spence close his eyes and take a deep breath. “I’ll be here the whole time,” you squeezed his hand and looked at him before he nodded and walked into the interrogation room. 

“Spencie,” you heard Cat call from behind the glass. Her face lit up when she saw him. You followed Spencer into the room and closed the door behind you.

“Where’s my mother?” he asked. His voice was cold, unfeeling. It made you shiver.

Cat pretended to frown, “I missed you.”

“What did you and Lindsey do to her?” Reid was different. His demeanor was stronger and more protective. You noticed that he was standing in front of you, almost like a shield. He stepped closer to her, “What did you-”

“Now stop,” Cat put up one finger and interrupted Spencer. “You do not get to walk in here and hiss at me like I'm the criminal. Now, we do this my way.” She kicked the chair across from you out from under the table. The noise made you jump. “Have a seat.” Spence aggressively sat in the chair and moved closer to the table. You thought it was best if you stayed against the wall. “How was prison? Did you like it?”

“No,” Spencer kept his face emotionless.

“It’s not fun, is it?” she crossed her arms in front of her chest.

Spencer didn’t move a muscle, not even daring to smile, “Unlike you, I didn’t deserve to be there.”

“How did you stay sane?” Cat leaned closer in her chair. “A brain like yours needs stimulation in such a gray place.”

“I worked in the laundry room and I played chess.”

“That’s three, maybe four hours tops, what did you do with the other twenty?” Now that you thought about it, Reid never actually told you what he did with his time. “You have to... go somewhere.” As Cat was talking she stared you dead in the eyes. You tried to keep your cool, but it was so hard. “Or else you go crazy.” She turned back to Spence. “Do you want to see where I go? I’ll show you. Come here.” Spence placed his folded hands on the table and leaned closer.

Cat raised her hand to his face, “no touching,” you interrupted. Cat rolled her eyes at you.

“Close your eyes,” she disobeyed your order and touched Spencer’s eyelids, helping them close. “Good. Now keep them shut, sit back, and relax.” Spence followed her orders and leaned back in his chair. “Now, when you open your eyes I want you to look at me like I’m the first woman you’ve seen after being in prison for three months. Now.. open.” Spence opened his eyes. Cat looked around in awe and you watched as Spence finally smiled.

“Hello, Cat.” his smile reminded you of the day you two got married.

Cat giggled, “you’re here,” she shouted. You couldn’t see where ‘here’ was, but it seemed like they were having a good time. “You’re really here.”

“There is nowhere else, I would rather be,” Spence smiled.

_ Thank you for that, _ you thought to yourself from the corner of the interrogation room. You watched as the two of them talked for a while. Cat tried to provoke him into violence by threatening his mother, but he kept his head together. 

“Do me a favor and tell your lap-dog over there to step aside, because we’re going to play another game.” Cat looked at you and all you did was smile. “This time we are going to find out exactly what kind of man you really are.”

Spencer turned to you and nodded, giving you the go-ahead to leave. You walked toward the door and left the room. Spence and Cat talked for a few minutes before you saw him take his watch off and hand it to her. You heard Cat mention something about 4 hours, so you called Prentiss and told her that was your time table. Cat stood from her chair and sat on Spencer’s lap. You watched as she moved her hand over his chest and started to nibble on his ear. It made you sick to look at. Once she stood up, Spence looked back at you and you knew exactly why; he had lied to her. Morgan’s son was named Hank, not Bobby.

“Good job, Spence,” you pulled your phone out and called Rossi.

“Go ahead, Y/N,” Rossi called from the other side.

“Cat has deep background on Spence,” you sighed. “She knew about Gideon’s death and Morgan leaving the team for his family.”

“She’s throwing him off-balance,” Rossi explained.

“Yeah, but Spence also purposely gave the wrong name of Morgan’s son, and she didn’t correct him,” you continued.

You heard someone sigh on the other side, “she must have gotten her hands on Spencer’s confidential FBI file,” Emily started. “It would mention relevant team information but it wouldn’t name Morgan’s baby because of confidentiality reasons.”

“We’ve been thinking she’s been getting help from somebody inside the prison,” Rossi added. “This goes deeper than that. Thank you, Y/N.” Before he hung up you heard Prentiss ask for the phone. 

“Hey, how did Cat react to you?” Prentiss asked.

“Am I on speaker?” you whispered.

“No,” Prentiss tried her best to understand.

“I don’t think she sent the letters, she didn’t react to me that way,” you sighed, “I don’t think she even knows my relationship with Reid.”

“That’s good,” you could hear her smile. “I’m sorry, I have to go.” You heard the line go dead.

You put your phone away and turned your attention back to Reid and Cat. They were still just talking.

“What, you’re pregnant?” You could hear the confusion in Spencer’s voice.

Cat placed her hands on her stomach and leaned back, “we’re pregnant.”

You called the officer’s and requested Cat’s file. They brought it to you within minutes and found out that Cat really was pregnant. Cat brought up Maeve and Spence froze. Cat continued to explain how she became pregnant with Spencer’s child. She brought up baby names which seemed to push him over the edge. He stood up and left the room. When you finally got to talk to him again, he was much more aggressive. “Spence, we might have something,” you handed him the file. You kept your voice quiet and calm, “she’s three months, the timeline matches. That doesn’t necessarily mean-” You were interrupted by Reid throwing the file at the window.

He immediately turned around and rubbed his forehead in pain, “I’m sorry, it’s not you. I just need a minute.” You moved away from him, trying to give him space. You could hear his heavy breathing. You felt a vibration in your pocket. You pulled your phone out to see Emily calling you.

“Y/N, you there?” Luke asked. 

“Uh, yeah,” you looked at Spence who was still staring at Cat. “Yeah, go ahead.” 

“So far we don't have anything on the prison employees,” Emily started. “Somebody in there is helping her, but nobody jumps out as the obvious culprit, and it doesn't help that they're blocking us at every turn.” 

“We have something, but, uh, it's out there,” Tara’s voice came through the phone. “The gun store owner was more of a libertarian than you would think. He talked about how he never judged his customers or who they love.”

“That's weird,” you furrowed your brow. You also noticed that Spencer was now staring at you.

“Not as weird as when he mentioned Obergefell,” Walker added

“The Supreme Court decision that legalized gay marriage.” Emilly sounded confused.

“You said we were missing something in the relationship between these two women,” Rossi repeated. “What if it's this? The risks that Lindsey's taking, the bond she has with Cat, it's not professional. It's romantic.”

“Well, this casts a big shadow over Lindsey's next move,” Luke added. “By exposing their plan to us, she knows there's no happy ending, no future with Cat. And she's going to take Reid's mother with her.”

You heard JJ clear her throat on the other side, “And that's the ultimate act of revenge against the guy who took her lover away.”

“Y/N, what do you have?” Emily asked.

You lowered your voice, “will you take me off speaker?”

You heard a beep followed by muffled speaking, “alright, you’re good,” Emily announced. 

“Cat’s pregnant,” you started. “She’s also claiming that it’s Spencer’s.”

“Are you kidding me? Are you kidding?” Emily was in disbelief at your unusual statement. 

“Well, here's where it gets tricky,” you sighed. “Do we believe her or not? On the one hand, getting pregnant is a power control move straight out of the female psychopath handbook. On the other hand... If her story is true, it meant she sent her lesbian lover down to Mexico to get Reid to... ugh, yeah.”

“Either way, she is pregnant,” Emily sounded defeated. “I just refuse to believe it belongs to Spence. It could be the person inside the prison who's been helping her.”

“Getting pregnant serves two purposes,” Spencer could only hear your side of the conversation and seemed both sad and disgusted at the same time, but you continued. “Gaslighting Reid and emotional blackmail against that employee.”

“Y/N, I gotta call you back,” the abrupt end to your call worried you. Spence decided that his break was long enough; you watched as he walked back into the room. If only you knew what was happening in that head of his.

“Goodbye, Cat,” Spence stood from his chair and walked toward the door. When he opened it you watched as Cat slammed her hand on the table.

“I’ll let you talk to her,” the way her hair fell in front of her eyes made her look like a psychopath. 

Spence gave you a look and you knew exactly what he meant. You pulled out your phone and hit 7 on your speed dial. “Garcia, I need you to trace a call on Spence’s phone.”

“Ready to go,” you could hear her typing away on her computer. You watched Spence hand his phone to Cat and wait with anticipation.

Spencer grabbed his phone from her and held it to his ear. He was frantic. You heard Garcia gasp on the other end. The call cut off after that and Spencer started to become violent. He started to scream at Cat and slam his hands on the table.

“Spence,” you called as you entered the room. 

“Was that a prearranged signal to kill my mother?” Spencer was screaming at Cat who looked genuinely scared.

“Spence,” you yelled again. He was refusing to listen to you.

“Tell me the truth!” he was more aggressive than you’d ever seen him.

“Your mother is an Alzheimer's-ridden moron who's getting dumber day by day, and if she's dead, it's your fault,” this was Spencer’s tipping point. He threw the table across the room and pushed Cat against the wall. You ran after him, catching up with him right as he placed his hands on her throat.

“Spence!” you placed your hands on his shoulders to try and rip him off of her.

He leaned closer to her, “I’m going to kill you.”

“Spence, she's pregnant,” you hoped that reminding him of her pregnancy would also remind him of your own. “Spence, she's pregnant! Stop it!” You eventually pulled him off her. She was still against the wall coughing, he was panting near the door. You watched as he took one last look at Cat and walked out of the room. You looked back at Cat with apologetic eyes even though they were useless on her. You followed Spence out and received a phone call in the same moment.

You went to find Reid and give him the news. He was sitting on the floor in the hallway attaching you to the rest of the prison, “Richmond County police just reported a gas station explosion. One victim, a male. Whatever Lindsey did, we have to assume your mom's still alive.” You could see how alone he was. It wasn’t outward but similar to how he was a few weeks after Maeve died. “Hey,” you cooed as you went to sit next to him.

“I’m really scared this is who I am now,” he was still your husband no matter what.

“Please don’t say that,” you rested your hand on his knee.

“Y/N, you don't know…” his voice broke and he could barely talk.

“I do know,” you kept yourself strong for him. “I know two inmates, Frazier and Duerson, killed your friend Delgado in front of you. And I know they wanted you to move their heroin, and I also know that if you didn't, you would have been next, right? Spence, anyone in your spot would have done the same thing.”

His eyes showed you just how sad he is, “you wouldn't have.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I would have, Spence,” he looked at you with disbelief. “If someone was threatening my life, you bet your ass I would. It doesn't make you a bad person. 'Cause you know who does think like that, that... that in you doing what you had to do to survive somehow makes you a psychopath? She does. She does. She does. Because she... she knows.” The realization hit you hard, but it hit Reid harder.

“That's the secret,” his face immediately changed. He stood from where he was standing and started pacing. “What I don't want to admit about myself.”

“Hold up,” you wanted to make sure he thought everything out before making any brash decisions. “Let's play this out because she will not lose to you twice. She already said that this wasn't about the two of you being the same.”

“Then she's all about the game,” he started to bite his fingernails. “She thinks that I cheated last time because I lied about her dad, so it's integral to her that she beats me by following the rules.” 

“Yeah, but, Spence, she controls the rules, and she will change them to ensure that she wins.” “Which means that I'm locked in,” his voice was much calmer now. 

“Like she is,” you nodded.

“And she needs me locked in, playing by her rules a game I can't win, so she...I got it.” You watched as he ran back to the room. You followed him but stayed outside, in front of the glass. You called Emily and got her to stream the footage from the room. “You got this?” you asked. You watched as Spencer and Cat started to slow dance in the middle of the room. “Ok, uh, listen, you're gonna hear a lot of weird stuff, like Spence saying he is the father of Cat's baby. Don't let that distract you.” 

“Uh, I'm sorry,” you forgot that no one else knew Cat was pregnant. “Full stop. Why would Spence say he's the father of…”

“Quiet Garcia,” Emily demanded.

“You had eyes on me while I was in prison, didn't you?” Spencer’s voice was quiet but you were able to hear enough. 

“Spencie, don't ruin the moment,” Cat’s voice made you want to throw up. 

Spence’s face dropped, “I don't want to, but I'm on the clock. Answer my question. Am I right?”

“Yes, you're right. I wanted to make sure things were just as uncomfortable for you as they were for me.”

“That's what we missed, the inside man that's been helping them,” Luke sighed. “He didn't just work at Cat's prison, he worked at hers and Reid's.”

“Garcia,” Emily started, “look for any overlap.”

“Compiling now,” you heard Carcia typing away on her computer. “Here's something. Lionel Wilkins. He worked at both Mount Pleasant and the Millburn correctional facility.”

“Ok, look, this guy could have gotten her pregnant, but there's no way he could have gotten his hand on Reid's file,” Rossi explained.

“Well, not directly,” you started. “He could have called in a favor from a friend at the Bureau. So someone must have wanted to screw us this whole time. Someone who's not gonna work for the Bureau much longer.”

“Ok, Lionel Wilkins' primary residence is in Falls Church, but I also have a second address,” Garcia interjected. “It's a cabin off of the Rappahannock river.”

“The cabin is in Lindsey's zone based on the gas stations,” Emily added. “Helos are on the roof forming up. Let's go. Y/N, remember that Cat was probably manipulating Lindsey, call me when Reid starts talking about the pregnancy.” She hung up after that.

“They won't get there in time,” Cat sighed while playing with Reid’s watch. “They must be on their way, right? Your team is too good to wait around, but, you know me. I always have a contingency plan.”

“So, they're walking into a trap,” Spence said as he sat back down. 

“And the only way out is if you give me your phone and your guess, right now.” Cat held her hand out waiting for Reid to place it in her hands.

“When we first sat down, you said you were going to show me what kind of man I am. And you have.” This was when you knew you had to call Emily.

“Every time I touch this, you're getting warmer.” You held your phone to the glass so Lindsey could see exactly what was happening.

“At first I was furious because the secret had to be the baby inside you,” Spence was pacing around the room. “How could it be anything else? But then I realized that somehow, you knew I liked hurting those men. Now I know it's both things.”

“So which is it, Spence?” Cat was holding Spence’s phone in her hand. You watched as a single tear rolled down Cat’s cheek. “Come on. Don't fumble it now. You're at the one-yard line.”

“You're not pregnant with my child,” Reid sat down in his chair. “You got pregnant with Wilkins to put me in as compromised a position as possible. But it should be mine. I wish it were mine. Because you and I... We deserve each other. That is the real secret.” The last part’s stung. You turned away from them as he was speaking. 

“Kill her,” Cat smiled as she gave the command to execute Reid’s mother. “Lindsey, I said…” 

“You bitch,” Lindsey sighed. “You're pregnant?” 

“Lindsey, sweetheart, it's complicated, ok?” Cat seemed so disgusted with how you were all able to double-cross her. You hung up knowing that Emily was getting information from Lindsey’s phone. Emily texted you an all-clear a few minutes later.

“We're clear,” you smiled as you entered the interrogation room again.

Spence turned to you “is my mom ok?” 

“Yeah,” you smiled. “She's fine.” Spence stood up and walked toward you and the door.

“We do deserve each other, by the way,” Cat smiled. “You guessed right.” 

“You lied, by the way,” Spence stopped in his tracks. “You were going to kill my mother regardless.”

“Yeah, I think you really liked hurting those men,” Cat’s smile made your gut twist. “And once you cross that line, you can't ever go back.”

Spence walked over to her, got on his knees and started to handcuff her, “watch me.”

***

The two of you rode in the elevator in silence. The only emotion you could read from him was happiness. He was reunited with his mom. The team decided you should leave them by themselves. You walked to your desk and closed your eyes. You started to fall asleep when Spence came to wake you up. He told you that Emily called a meeting. You pulled yourself out of your chair and made your way to the conference stopping before the door. You turned to Spencer, “I found a new song I want you to listen to.”

“What is it?” he smiled.

“Out Like a Light by The Honeysticks,” you yawned.

He pulled you closer and kissed you on your forehead, “I’ll listen to it.” The two of you walked into the room and joined your team. You were surprised to see Morgan standing next to Garcia and Prentiss. 

“I know we're all tired, but we might have a new lead on Mr. Scratch,” Emily started. 

“Somebody did a bang-up job of cloning my cell phone to send Morgan a fake text luring him to a non-existent safe house,” Garcia explained. “And whoever that somebody has mad skills.” 

“The kind of skills Scratch has?” you asked.

“Were you able to trace where the hack came from?” Luke added. 

Garcia turned to Morgan, “Do you see what I have to put up with?”

“Alvez, you'll always get a location with this one,” Morgan’s smile made you so elated. “You guys are all good to go.”

“Obviously Morgan can't come with us,” Prentiss explained. “He's a civilian now.” 

“We'll miss you out there,” Tara smiled, 

“I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss it out there in the field with you guys,” Derek confided. “I think about it every day. But between my old friends and my new friends, you guys are gonna go out there, you're gonna handle your business, you're gonna make people feel safe, and then you're gonna come home. And that's all that matters.”

“Let's saddle up,” Prentiss instructed.

“Emily,” you gestured for her to meet you just outside the room. “Can I come with you guys?”

“Y/N,” she sighed. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” you nodded. “Scratch has been terrorizing me too, I want to see him caught.”

“Ok then,” Emily placed a hand on your shoulder as she walked away. You grabbed your FBI vest, kissed Spencer goodbye, and headed for the SUVs.


	10. I got my hopes up again, not again. Feels like we only go backwards

_4/15/2017_

“All right, Voltron, sound off,” Penelope’s giddy voice rang through the coms after twenty minutes of driving. You all had mostly been driving in silence.

Prentiss was riding with Tara and Rossi, “have we dispatched units to the location Scratch tried to lure us to?”

“I coordinated it before we left,” Tara seemed incredibly calm. “They're on their way.” 

“SWAT will meet us on site at Scratch's house,” Luke said from the front seat of your SUV.

“I know we all want this son of a bitch's head on a platter, but SWAT has to clear every single room before we step foot inside,” Emily instructed.

“Have they been briefed?” JJ asked. “This guy's traps set traps.”

“The house itself could be a setup,” Rossi’s italian accent made you laugh a little. Stephen looked over at you like you were crazy. 

“Or a waste of our time so he can get away,” Stephen reminded. 

“Whatever it is, he's gonna try to take us by surprise,” Emily emphasized. “We have to be ready for anything.” You all rode in silence a little longer before a set of spike strips came out of nowhere and popped all the tires on both cars. You held onto the door as you waited for the SUV to stop spinning. “Is everyone OK?” 

JJ turned around to get a response from you, all you could muster was a nod. “Yeah, yeah, we're good,” JJ relayed to Emily.

You sighed and rested your head on your seat, closing your eyes. You were forced to open them when a bright light approached you from the left. The semi-truck slammed into both the SUV’s causing yours to flip. You were thrown out of your seat and ended up flying around the SUV. Normally you wore your seatbelt but today you didn’t.

When it finally stopped you were right side up but everyone else was upside down. After a few minutes, your vision went black. You could feel the velvet material of the roof on the back of your head. You came to and saw that JJ and Luke had crawled out of the car. Stephen was passed out next to you.

“Stephen,” you tried to shake him awake, “Stephen,” you repeated. You placed your fingers on his neck, checking for a pulse. Nothing. You groaned and rested your head back down.

“Luke!” you heard a man scream. Luke came running to your side. You watched as he laid down on his stomach and looked in your, now broken, window. 

“Hey, Y/N, how are you feeling?”

“I’m fine,” you sighed. “Stephen is dead. You need to help him.”

You watched as he looked you up and down, “are you in any pain?”

“No, you need to help Stephen,” you tried to push him away but your arms were weak. He nodded, got up and walked away. “Get Reid here now,” he whispered to an unknown person. You laid there and waited for someone to come help you out. 

Your vision was starting to become blurry and your adrenaline was running out. “Luke,” you tried to scream, but your voice wasn’t getting anywhere. 

“Y/N, how are you feeling?” Garcia’s perky little head showed up at your window. 

Seeing her brought a smile to your face, “Garcia, thank god. Can you help me out of here?” You reached your hand out and tried to grab hers.

“I’ll talk to the paramedics and see what they can do,” her smile made you feel a lot better about your current situation. “Reid should be here soon. I’ll send him to talk to you.”

“No, he should help you guys find Scratch,” you tried to dismiss her, but she wouldn’t move. “I think my legs are broken but it’s not bad right now.” Garcia was interrupted by a few paramedics who came to the side of the car. They quickly examined you and started to talk to each other. You could see the worry on their faces and in their voices. It wasn’t looking good. Your skin was becoming pale, your breathing was becoming rapid, and your heart was racing. 

“Garcia!” you heard Reid shout from down the road. “What’s going on?” you couldn’t see him but you assumed he was near the car and couldn’t see you.

“Are you her husband?” one of the paramedics asked him.

“What is happening?” his voice was frantic, you could hear it breaking. “Am I who’s husband?”

“He is,” Garcia interrupted. You couldn’t see him but you knew Reid was connecting the dots.

There were so many noises surrounding you. Everything was happening all at once and nobody would tell what was happening. “She’s not looking good,” one of the paramedics told Reid. 

You heard him push past them and fall to the ground next to you, “hey,” you smiled. You were trying to keep up a brave face for him. You watched as he scanned your body and became even more worried. 

“What happened?” his breathing was shaky. You noticed that he was blinking irregularly.

You brought one hand up to your eye and furrowed your brow, “Um, I-I think we were hit.” Your brain was foggy and everything from the past twenty all melded together. “Yeah, we were hit by a uh-”

“It’s okay if you can’t remember,” the white’s of his eyes reflected the blue and red lights making them much brighter. Your hands were shaking and your breathing was labored.

You could feel yourself starting to fall asleep but you forced yourself to wake up. Reid seemed startled when you jolted, but you gave him a small smile. “I think my legs are broken,” your voice shook with every word. “It must be a pretty bad break because I can’t feel them.” You tried to reach down with one of your hands and feel your legs but your pelvis was pinned down by the seat. 

“We’re going to get you out of here, ok?” his brown hair fell in front of his eyes that were now filling with tears. “Don’t fall asleep,” he faked a smile and grabbed your hand in his. 

**Spencer’s POV**

Her skin was pale. Her hands were shaking. Her breathing was labored.

“Sir, can we talk to you for a moment?” one of the paramedics got my attention. I nodded and let go of Y/N’s hand. “If we can extract her safely, we may be able to save the baby, but we have to do it soon.”

“What’s stopping you?” I asked.

The paramedic’s eyes fell to the ground, “If we move her wrong, there is a chance she loses the use of her legs.” 

“Do it,” even if it meant she couldn’t use her legs she would be more upset to be dead. 

“But, sir,” the paramedic’s eyes met my own and his brow furrowed, “maybe you’d like to discuss it with your wife.”

“I said do it,” why couldn’t he just listen. She could be dead by now. I watched as he scurried off to the ambulance and firetruck. I returned to the ground next to the car. “Y/N, I’m back,” her eyes were closed and her chest was barely rising. “Y/N,” I reached one of my arms in and gently shook her awake. She came to and looked at me without her usual smile. Her face was covered in dirt and blood, but her y/e/c eyes were still as bright as ever. 

“Reid, I think my legs are broken,” she repeated. “I can’t feel them.” 

I quickly grabbed one of her shaking hands and held it close to my heart. Her eyes were searching the floor for something, it was hard to tell what. They jolted from side to side and scanned the area. She turned her head to look at me. The corners of her mouth twisted into a smile before she looked back up and closed her eyes. Her hands stopped shaking and her chest stopped rising. 

“Y/N, wake up,” I shook her arm a little but it was limp. “No, no!” I screamed which alerted the paramedics. All of the first responders rushed over and started to work on her and the car. Garcia came and ushered me away. We stood in silence watching as they inserted the tire jack. The bottom of the SUV started to rise into the air. They quickly dragged her out and placed her on a backboard. Garcia walked me back to their SUV as they put her in the ambulance.

***

Scratch died. Emily was rushed to the same hospital as Y/N. The rest of the team had all gathered in the waiting room in anticipation. After she was cleared Emily came to join us. 

The team tried talking to me but I couldn’t hear anything. There was a ringing in my ear. 

The silence was broken when JJ entered the room. Everyone’s eyes were glued on her. “She bled out during surgery. There were crush injuries that they couldn’t repair.”

“No,” Garcia started to cry into Rossi’s shoulder. Tara and Luke both left. Emily tried to comfort me, but I couldn’t move. How could she just die like that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this is supposed to end on a semi-cliffhanger.


	11. Dreaming of our first born and your hair covered in popcorn

“Jennifer I need you to be kidding,” Spencer took a few deep breaths, trying to keep his composure. 

“I’m so sorry Spence,” She walked over to him and wrapped him in a hug. He tried his hardest to fight her off, but eventually succumbed to the gesture. He sobbed into her shoulder for an hour and she never moved a muscle. 

As the two of them stayed locked in their position, JJ watched as her co-workers left the room one-by-one. The time that past led Spencer’s eyes to run dry. He wiped away the tears on his cheeks and headed for the exit. JJ offered him a ride but she declined. As he left JJ walked over to Emily who was sitting down in the corner, they were the only people in the room.

“We can’t tell him,” Emily sighed. The guilt consumed her like a wolf eating its prey.

JJ placed her head in her hands, “he’ll never forgive us.” JJ knew that if she could come back Spencer would still be broken, she was the only thing that could fix him. 

“He’ll see her again eventually,” Emily stood from her seat and left the hospital.

_ 4/22/2017 _

It was the day of her funeral. The casket stayed closed for the entire service. JJ helped Reid plan it, she told him that it would just be too hard to look at her face. He listened to her and opted for a closed casket funeral. Everyone Reid could think of was there. He, Morgan, Hotch, Rossi, Luke, and Matt carried her casket to the hole where her body would reside for the rest of eternity. In his head Reid knew that her mother blamed him for her death. She probably wouldn’t have stayed with the BAU for so long if it wasn’t for him.

“There is no good way to describe Y/N,” JJ started. She and Spence talked about having someone talk in addition to him. “The easiest place to start would be with loving wife. She and Spence had one of the best marriages on the planet. They were always there for each other, even when the other couldn’t be there for them. I also couldn’t name someone who was more qualified to be a mom.” She could feel the tears starting to come to her eyes. “I’m not the most qualified person to talk about her so I want to hand the podium over to Spence.” She stepped away from the podium set-up next to the grave.

“Hi, I’m Dr. Spencer Reid,” he began. “Y/N would hate this. She never really wanted to be the center of attention. Whenever she was hurt, she would always check on everyone before tending to her own wounds. The first night we kissed was actually the first time she had been shot. She was injured and the first words she said to me was ‘Reid, are you okay, answer me.’ She would also hate that any of us are crying over her. She always wanted to be remembered for how she made everyone feel, so if it isn't too much of a hassle, I’ll ask that everyone please close their eyes and think back to a moment where Y/N made you feel safe or she made you laugh.” 

Spencer watched as everyone in the small crowd closed their eyes, he followed suit. Everyone had a few dozen moments they could think of, but they all settled on one. There wasn’t a single person there who, whenever she walked into the room, couldn’t feel the love reverberate from her.

“Thank you for that,” he continued. “She had one of those smiles that always made you... feel. It didn’t matter what was happening in her life or mine, she always had a smile on her face. She also had these beautiful y/e/c eyes. The stars in her eyes were always shining. The night of the car crash she told me about this song she wanted me to listen to. I never got the chance, but I want to play it for you all now as you place your pink rose onto her casket.” Spencer stepped away from the podium and grabbed the pink rose from Emily’s hand. 

_ Take me uptight _

_ Strung up like a kite _

_ Dumb, wicked, and white _

_ Love me in spite _

_ If I betrayed our lonely nights _

_ Spent out like a light _

_ With no kiss goodnight _

_ We never fight, when I'm away _

_ Did your mother always seem to hate me? _

_ I'm sicker every day and now I'm terrified of talking to my friends only to stay stuck _

_ Dreaming of our first born and your hair covered in popcorn _

_ You never leave, you never leave, you never leave _

_ You leave me uptight _

_ Strung up like a kite _

_ Dumb, wicked, and white _

_ Love me in spite _

_ If I betrayed our lonely nights _

_ Spent out like a light _

_ With no kiss goodnight _

_ Would we never fight when I'm away? _

As the lyrics rang through the cemetery, Spencer watched as his closest friends placed pink roses on her casket. Each person stopped and prayed before they placed it down. When it was his turn he almost couldn’t do it. There was something inside him that told him he had to. Their memories together, the sound of her laugh, the image of her on that beach in Florida all passing through his mind at the same time. There was no getting around it, she was dead. She wasn’t coming back. He would never get to hold her hand, kiss her lips, or even smell her flowery perfume ever again. 

The guests slowly made their way to their cars. They all drove off and didn’t look back. Spencer wanted to leave, but he couldn’t. Emily saw his hesitation and went over to comfort him.

“She’d be proud of you,” she smiled as she pulled him into a hug.   
Spencer returned her hug. He tried to cry but nothing would come out, “I don’t know how to do this without her.”

“I know,” she walked Reid to his car and made sure he left before she returned to her grave. She looked down at the casket now covered in pink roses. “He’ll forgive you one day,” she smiled before returning to her car and driving off to the airport.


	12. Is this the start of something wonderful and new? Or one more dream that I cannot make true?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry...

_ 10/2/2017 _

The team was forced to take six months off to recoup and recover. Spencer took the longest to adjust to his time off and the death of his wife. He didn’t talk to the team for 3 months after the funeral. Emily and JJ would come by, sit outside his door, and talk to him for hours.. He never responded but they stayed. When he finally decided to contact anyone from the team it was Rossi. They talked for an entire afternoon. Rossi was extraordinarily patient with Reid and all his trauma.

It was his first day back at the BAU and Reid had no idea what to do. Everywhere he went he was haunted by a memory of his wife. He tried to walk to his desk and remembered the sight of her sleeping in his chair after they caught Montolo. 

He tried to go to the bathroom, but he remembered when he prepared himself before buying her engagement ring. Prentiss noticed his apprehension and called him into her office. 

“How are you doing?” she gave him that look they were both too familiar with.

He sighed and sat down in the chair across from her chair, “I’ve been better.”

“You haven’t been doing dilaudid again, have you?” Her question caught him off guard, but not a total surprise.

“No,” he smiled, it felt weird. It had been so long since he could genuinely smile. “I thought about it, but I know that Y/N would be disappointed in me.” He let out a small chuckle and smiled down at the wedding ring now on his right hand. 

“That’s good,” Emily noticed his fidgeting, “that reminds me, I got this from the doctors.” She pulled a small black box from her desk drawer and opened it infront of him. He leaned forward to see the ring. He recognized it as her engagement ring. “We’ll get through this, together. I know you’re hurting, but you can’t shut us out again.”

He knew she was right. He gave her a small smile, grabbed the ring, and left her office.

_ 4/14/2018 _

1 year, 1 year since she died. Also the day Reid was conveniently kidnapped. When he was strapped to the believers death machine all he could think of was Y/N. He closed his eyes to escape and was sent right back to hell. He closed his eyes and saw her smile, he was forced to remember the stars in her eyes. He remembered the smell of her perfume and the way her hair would sit on her shoulders. He heard her laugh and the words she always reminded him of whenever he was upset. “Just look up, we are both looking at the same starry sky.” 

The team snuck up on the Believers and took them by surprise. JJ came and unbuckled the belt on his head. As her fingers unlaced the belt all he wanted was for it to be her. He wrapped his arms around her and could only see Y/N.

_ 4/6/2019 _

April was a shitty month for Reid. He and JJ were kidnapped and forced into a game of truth or dare. His prepubescent college years taught him that Truth or Dare didn’t have to hurt anyone, but it always did. This was no exception. 

JJ had confessed the only thing she could think. She loved him and she always had. Rossi’s wedding the next day proved difficult. All he wanted to do was forget. If he could forget then maybe the pain would stop. That’s all he wanted, the pain to stop. 

_ 8/13/2019 _

Ibuprofen, Acetaminophen, Naproxen Sodium, Dilaudid. All pain relievers, all helpful, but Reid finally found the pain relief he was looking for. Her name was Max Brenner. 

He had a saturday off so he went to the park. Max was the light that was missing from his life. They started to see each other whenever Reid was free. She was smart and gorgeous. He didn’t remember the last time a person made him so happy. 


	13. She promised she would love me for only 'til the morning time

_ 4/24/2017 _

You watched as Emily jumped when you jolted awake in your hospital bed. “Where am I?” you asked as you looked around the unfamiliar room.

“You’re in Madrid,” Emily sighed as she set her magazine down on your blanket.

“What day is it?” you rubbed your eyes and laid back down. It just hit you how much pain you truly were in.

Emily grabbed her phone from her pocket, “April twenty-fourth, 2017.”

“Why am I in Spain?” you furrowed your brow.

“Well,” Emily placed her phone back in her pocket and leaned back in her chair, “your funeral was two days ago, so you can’t be in the states.”

“My what now?” you tried to sit-up but the scar on your abdomen stopped you from getting far. 

“You were receiving death threats, so JJ and I faked your death,” she nonchalantly grabbed her magazine and returned to reading it.

“So, everyone thinks I’m dead?” All the memories from one week prior came flooding back. You could remember how Spencer refused to leave your side at the crash site and how heartbroken he was to see you carried away on a stretcher. “Even Spencer?”

“The only people who know you’re alive are me, JJ, and your mom,” she noticed how flustered you had become. She set her magazine down and came to sit on the foot of your bed. “You can do this,” she gave you that warm smile that always made you feel better. 

“I don’t know how,” you stifled a sob with your hand as small tears started to roll down your cheeks. “I can’t raise a child by myself.”

Emily, noticing your tears, decided to lay next to you and wrap you in a hug, “JJ and I will come and visit you.”

“But what about Spence?” you sobbed. “He’s never going to forgive me.”

“I have known him for eleven years, I never saw him happier than when he was with you. If he’s smart he’ll forgive you.”

“Do I ever get to come back?” your eyes widened at the thought of never seeing him again.

She brushed some hair out of your face and wiped your tears away, “you can come back when we find out who sent you those letters.” 

You continued to sob into her shoulder for a while before she got you discharged and took you to the apartment she found for you in the middle of the city. She gave you a passport and ID before leaving.

_ 9/22/2017 _

“Emily, I’m so glad you could make it,” you smiled from the couch in your apartment. You watched as she walked over to you. Her face was complete awe. “This is baby Jason.”

“Oh my god,” she gushed as she sat next to you on the couch. “He has Spencer’s eyes.”

“Yeah,” that was the first thing you noticed about your child. “He does, doesn’t he.”

“How have you been adjusting?” she looked up from your baby who was now in her arms.

You gave her a small, reassuring nod, “I’ve been fine. I started working on another bachelor's degree and I met this lovely woman named Marissa Santiago.”

“I think a lot of what we learn about others isn’t what they tell us. It’s what we observe. People can tell us anything they want.”

“Iain Reid,” you giggled at her quote and your weird knowledge of horror novels. The two of you sat and talked for a few hours before Jason got fussy and you decided it was bedtime for all three of you.

_ 8/28/2019 _

“Emily something’s wrong,” your voice was frantic, and Emily could hear it. “I haven’t seen Marissa in a few days, I think something bad happened to her.”

“Are you sure she's missing?” Emily asked.

You quickly grabbed your keys, suitcase, and child, “Yes, I checked her mailbox and she had a few days worth of mail in there.”

“Alright, I’ll see you when you get here,” she was against you coming home now, but they were the only people who could help.


	14. I'm Mr. Loverman And I miss my lover, man

_ 8/29/2019 _

Your plane landed earlier that morning but you didn’t get to the BAU until 10. You had to drop Jason off at your mother’s house and catch up with her for a little bit. When you did finally make it to the BAU, you stopped at the door. You never hesitated about anything in your life, but there was something in your gut that was warning you from going in. You didn’t listen to it. These people were your family; they stuck with you through thick and thin. 

The hallways were empty, abnormally so. The ding of the elevator brought back memories of your first day. The silence in the bullpen made your stomach twist. You looked toward the conference room and saw your old friends talking about the case. You hadn’t changed much, but you had changed. At first glance they probably wouldn’t recognize you. You had gained a little weight and your hair was darker, but other than that, you were still you. 

Your steps were light as you walked up the stairs. The pit in your stomach grew deeper the closer you got. “Right now, she's a fixed variable. We need to focus on identifying the unsub and her victims.” Even though you hadn’t seen her in about two years, you could still recognize Emily’s voice.

“One of them is Lucia Gomez,” you pointed to the distorted image of your friend on the screen. The look on their faces was something you’d never forget. 

“Oh my god,” Penelope whispered. You watched as tears rolled down her cheeks. The room was silent after that. No one wanted to be the first to speak, or they couldn’t. They were all in varying states of disbelief. Matt and Luke seemed more confused than anything. Rossi and Tara were stoned faced. They weren’t smiling, but they weren’t scowling. JJ and Emily hung their heads and fiddled with their hands. Penelope was crying in her seat, you could see her trying to pull herself together but she was losing control. You couldn’t tell what Spence was feeling. He didn’t dare turn around and look you in the eyes, after all you were dead to him. 

“I’m sorry,” you whispered. You took one step closer to him and went to place your hand on his shoulder, but he beat you to it. He whipped around, looked you dead in the eyes, and brought his hand down across your face. You fell to your knees and watched through teary eyes as he stormed out of the room. 

JJ started to rush after him, “Spence!” she shouted. 

“JJ,” you managed to squeak out, “don’t.” You brought your hand up to your stinging cheek and covered it. Matt rushed over and helped you stand up. “Thank you,” you wrapped him in a quick hug. Emily tapped your shoulder and escorted you to her office. 

“Y/N, are you sure you want to be here?” she sighed as she shut the door and walked back to her desk. “Spence clearly isn’t ready for you to be back.”

“I know,” you kept touching your cheek, seeing if it still hurt. “He’s been through a lot and I always stayed by his side. He’ll forgive me eventually.” You could feel tears returning to your eyes so you quickly left her office. You passed the concerned faces of your colleagues as you made your way to the bathroom. If they knew you well enough they wouldn’t follow you in. 

You spent the next few minutes giving yourself a small pep talk and regaining your composure. You wiped the tears from your cheek and made your way back to the bullpen.

“What are we working with?” you sniffled as you grabbed the chair closest to you and sat down. The few seconds of silence that followed your question almost killed you. Everyone in that room stared at you like they had just seen a ghost. 

Finally, Simmons broke the silence, “Three people were kidnapped by that unsub,” he pointed to the photo of four people on the screen. “She gave us her demands, ‘release Cat Adams in 24 hours. Cat is in the interrogation room now.” 

“What does Cat want?” you furrowed your brow as you looked through the file in front of you.

“We don’t know yet,” Matt finished. 

Garcia came running into the room with a panicked look on her face, “Someone put up wanted posters downtown with my number on them.”

“Alright, me and Luke can check that out,” Tara smiled as she stood from the table and left the room. Garcia followed the two of them leaving you, Matt, JJ, and Rossi. 

As the time passed you tried to distance yourself from the team. Tensions were high and nobody really knew what to do. Spence passed your desk from time to time as he walked to and from Emily's office. When it came time for he and Cat to go on their ‘date’, Emily forced you to stay out of sight. You watched from afar as your husband(?) got into the elevator with his own worst nightmare. They disappeared and the team got back to work. With Spencer out of the way it was easier for you to re-adjust to the BAU. You didn’t want to be in anyone's way so you stayed at your desk. The team came and went, but you stayed put. You watched and waited for hours, but eventually everyone came back. 

You had heard whispers from the team that Reid was dating someone new, but you didn’t know for sure, until she stepped off the elevator. She had short blonde hair and brown eyes. She looked familiar, but you couldn’t put your finger on it. Spence arrived shortly after her. You watched from your desk as the team told Reid of their master plan. You watched his face as they talked. He looked at her the way he used to look at you. Your heart hurt as they all laughed together, but hey, at least they were happy. Before you started crying, you grabbed your bag and started for the elevator. Rossi caught up with you before you could leave. “Can you help me with something?” You nodded and followed him to his office. You waited in the doorway as he grabbed a small screwdriver from his desk.

You followed him to the elevator’s hallway and to the wall of fallen agents. You stood there in silence as he uncrewed your photo from the wall and handed it to you. He was the only one treating you like a person anymore. You quickly wrapped your arms around him and started to sob into his shoulder. He let you cry for a few minutes before your eyes ran dry. He took your face in your hands and wiped away your tears. “Do you need a place to stay?” he asked as the two of you walked back. 

“Are you sure?” you smiled. “I don’t want Jason to wake you up.”

Rossi stopped dead in his tracks. You looked at him confused before a smile crept across his face, “Did you name your son Jason?” You nodded. “You’re welcome to stay as long as you need.”


End file.
